Amazing Race
Five Continents, 25 Cities, and More Than 40,000 Miles

Episode Report Card
Miss Alli: B- | Grade It Now!
Thanks a bunch

Uchenna and Joyce arrive at the Detour. Like everyone else, they take the golf. What does a horse's ass have to do around here to get a little love, anyway? (I set 'em up, you knock 'em down! They're going fast, folks!) Uchenna says that he's been practicing golf at home, and this won't be that tough.

Rob and Amber take a moment to admire Puerto Rico, and then they're pulling up at the castle. They pull the clue, which tells them to drive 87 miles to Aguadilla, where they have to find a sugar refinery and follow a path to a clue. They take off in their SUV. "We're doin' all right today with the directions, I tell ya," he comments. Oh, I get it. It's irony.

Ron and Kelly's flight from Puerto Rico takes off.

Uchenna and Joyce go golfing. He lands it on the green in what the editing suggests is record time, but I sort of doubt it. They open the Puerto Rico clue and leave. There is Conversation #854 in the cab about not giving up. Got it. Seriously. Rob wants to be first; you're never giving up; Ron doesn't want to get married. I think the themes have been established.

Rob notes that "every single person on the whole island of Puerto Rico is in this traffic jam." Amber comments that she'd think he'd be used to it with the Boston traffic all the time. Oh, Boston. The City Where Every Street Is Diagonal. Drives me fuckin' batty, that town. Sure, D.C. has its whimsical idea that all addresses should be repeated four times, but I don't think anything can beat Boston, where my mother and I once spent a very intense bonding experience finding our way to see The Sure Thing from our motel, located between the Forbidden City Chinese restaurant and the Dine-N-Bowl Lanes, a navigation task that proved our raceworthiness, come to think of it. (True story!)

At the Jamaica airport, Uchenna and Joyce apparently stiff their cab driver again, some more, and then they head inside to book their flight. They get a 4:58 PM flight to San Juan. And then there is additional begging.

Rob and Amber are in Aguadilla looking for the sugar refinery. Of course, when they get there, the operating hours are 7:30 to 4:00. Yes, ladies and gentlemen, 4:00. Because there is absolutely no way anyone was going to be allowed to be out ahead at this point. No way. Which is fine, but...well, I'll get back to it later.

Ron and Kelly arrive in Puerto Rico. They head for the clue box as Rob and Amber head into a hotel for some rest. Ron and Kelly head for Aguadilla. Uchenna and Joyce's flight lands. They head for the clue. When they open it, they turn and head for Aguadilla as well. Ron and Kelly get to the gate and see the operating hours, and they go to sack out in the car until 7:30 in the morning. Uchenna and Joyce are driving up, and we are hearing yet again, not having heard them talk about anything else this entire episode, about how they're not going to give up, it might be over but it might not be, blah blah blah. Old. This has just gotten incredibly old. And indeed, when they pull up to the gate, they find Ron and Kelly asleep in their car, because of the enormous machinations that have been gone through in this leg to ensure that we reach precisely this point. "We're back in this thing," Uchenna comments after a brief chat with Ron and Kelly, meaning that maybe we are through with the "we aren't giving up" comments for the remainder of the episode. I sure as hell hope so.

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Amazing Race




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