Amazing Race
Five Continents, 25 Cities, and More Than 40,000 Miles

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Miss Alli: B- | Grade It Now!
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2:47 AM. Rob and Amber. They read the clue, which sends them to Kingston, Jamaica, bringing the show as close as it's ever been to spring break. Phil explains that this is a 4600-mile journey, and that when they get there, they'll have to take a taxi more than 90 miles to Port Antonio. There, they'll find a beach called Frenchman's Cove, where a clue will await. Wearing a jaunty little beret. Okay, maybe not. Rob voices over that they are happy to have made the final three, but -- wait for it -- they "came here to win." In case you hadn't heard that one of the other eight bazillion times they've shown him saying it. "Just write the check!" he concludes, guaranteeing himself the non-victory and killing all suspense. Dummy! They hop into a cab as Rob says that it's going to be crazy -- "the war hero and the beauty queen versus the survivors versus the black couple in Jamaica." Can't get anything past him, that's for sure. And then he says, "Hey, mon," because somebody has to, or the possibility that a group of Americans could hear the name of a location without making the lamest possible geography-based joke would rear its ugly head, and we can't have that. I think they got all the way through England without one "Cheerio!", so I guess we can just be thankful for small favors. Hey, school funding is pinched at every turn. If we have to learn about the world from episodes of The Simpsons, we can do that. Anyway, at the airport, they learn that the first flight to Kingston leaves at 12:40 in the afternoon. They set out to make sure that's the best flight available, since it's not going to leave for six or seven hours, as Amber notes. They hop on an internet terminal, and that is indeed the only flight they can find. (Used that tasty Expedia, I'm sure. Isn't that the one with the little dwarf thing?) They note that the other teams are most certainly going to catch up now.

4:26 AM. Ron and Kelly. They read the clue. And can you guess what Kelly also says? That's right. "Jamaica, mon." You can tell you're dealing with a pretty lowbrow piece of cultural currency when it's shared by Kelly and Rob. Ron notes that the subway is right on the other side of London Bridge, but Kelly wants to just take a taxi. Kelly tells us she thinks that through the race, she's been able to "show Ron what [she's] made of." Ohhh, one hopes not. I'm sure that's not what she's really made of. She, surprisingly, thinks she's shown that she's not "this pageant queen" or "this ballerina." She seems like she actually is those things, but all right. Maybe she's made of irony. Then, she goes all cutesy-poo at the camera about how she's a "quality girl" and so forth and how "he's missing out." I'm not sure in what way he's missing out, but I'm not sure I need to know, either, because I'm pretty sure that any ways in which Ron is "missing out" on what a "quality girl" she is are not the ways she has in mind. Ron interviews that he's used to soldiers, and soldiers don't have feelings, or something. They just want food and Handi-Wipes! Or something. He adds that all the emotional baggage is "part of dealing with Kelly," and that I believe. The two of them look for a taxi, and he once again suggests the subway, but she once again wants the taxi. They finally get one and hop in, and Ron is a little taken aback at the cost. They were, after all, out of money not long ago.

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Amazing Race

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