1:03 AM. Taraweasel. They look like hell. Seriously, her hair is just not practical for travel. They tear open the clue, which tells them to find John Logan Campbell, the "father of Auckland." As Phil explains in his inimitable way, this is a reference to Campbell's tomb, which is an Auckland landmark. They ask their cab driver whether he knows who Campbell is, and he tells them right away about the monument. As they ride along in the cab in the darkness, Wil voices over that he and Tara have had a "rollercoaster ride," which is an interesting description of something that's looked from the outside a lot more like the world's longest uninterrupted scrape along the bottom of the barrel. It's like watching the log flume ride when there's no water. At any rate, he hopes they'll do well and come in first. I don't. Just one more way in which the Weasel and I do not see eye to eye.
3:30 AM. The Teeth open the clue and the $50 they get for the leg. Blake looks surprisingly normal today, with his checked shirt and jeans. He probably has Team Mycoskie underwear on, but hey, who am I to complain? If I don't have to look at it, wear whatever you want. As they drive toward the monument, Blake explains that their strategy is still to just be sort of mellow and toothy and try like hell to hang in there. They discuss the fact that Chris and Alex are probably the strongest competitors, essentially because Wil and Tara are likely to eventually consume themselves and each other in one final fiery fit of unpleasantness before the whole thing is over. "Wil will probably defeat himself," Blake says. Pretty smart for a guy I think probably has eleven thousand failed inventions in his basement. (I imagine him giving me a little tour: "Well, I'm working on this over here, which would let astronauts play ping-pong on the space shuttle. And then I just started working on this over here, which is kinda like a cross between a radio and a bread machine -- it cooks with sound waves, y'know? And then I invented this -- it's like a Segway, but it runs on nail polish remover. The first two prototypes of it caught on fire and my hair got a little singed, but this next trial run, it's the most crucial moment in my career as an inventor. It all comes down to the Mycoskiemobile, that's the whole ball of wax...")
Tara asks the Taraweasel driver to speed up, and the Weasel contributes that he "has a meeting" with the monument. Shut UP, Wil. They get to the tomb, which Tara calls a "mini-Washington Monument." They run from the car. When they pull the clue (which she doesn't read quite quickly enough for him to refrain from hassling her about it), it tells them to go to Maui, Hawaii. Careening cameramen inspect jumbo jets and then go on a quick and inebriated tour of Hawaii as Phil explains that the teams have to get themselves to Maui, and then follow a map to the ruins of an old sugar mill. Phil says it's a "secluded place." Hey, at least it's not a confusing maze. Back in the cab, Wil notes that they're continuing east on their way back to the U.S. Good, Wil. You've mastered that whole the-earth-is-round concept -- keep going east, and you'll eventually get home. I approach downtown Minneapolis the same way.