Amazing Race
Follow That Plane!, Part I

Episode Report Card
Miss Alli: A+ | Grade It Now!
Clueless, in every sense of the word

The Teeth continue hunting for the pineapple. Blake spots it, and they head out. They know the other teams only have a little lead on them, so they remain optimistic, as always.

Taraweasel hits the dock and gets a boat out toward the marker. Wil is rude to the boat guy. They should give Wil some kind of Frequent Nitwit card, so that he could get free miles every time he's a dick to someone who works in the travel industry. Then after he's a nitwit for 30,000 consecutive miles of travel, he could spit on a taxi driver for free. Boston follows, and also gets a boat. In the Taraweasel boat, as the soundtrack tips its hat to Hawaii Five-O, Wil says "surf's up" and some other ridiculous crap I can't be bothered to repeat, and then he sticks his tongue out and waggles his head and generally acts like an overstimulated poisonous lizard, making himself even less appealing than before. Man, some buckets just have no bottom.

The Teeth show up and grab a boat, and now all three boats are streaking toward the route marker. We get to hear Alex call Chris "Luca" some more, which would be sort of cute if it weren't so completely consistent with the image I have of them (thanks to Sars) sitting around on Sundays watching TV and eating wings while wearing sweatshirts with the sleeves cut off. When Taraweasel and Boston pull the clue, it turns out to be a Roadblock. (TARflies: "A Roadblock is a task that only one person can perform...") This particular task involves snorkeling. You have to grab a box that's tied down underwater, and you have to somehow free a clue that's trapped inside it. This is sort of an interesting Roadblock, but I would have liked to know what the trick is to how the box is sealed, and what you actually have to do to free it. From the way things progress, it looks like all it takes is The Amazing Yank. (Oh, grow up.)

Wil, in a fateful decision, agrees to take the Roadblock for Taraweasel. He gives a very cocky wave as he goes over the side. Oh, Weasel. How little you know of what's about to happen to you. Alex takes the task for Boston, and just as he finishes getting his clothes off, Chris basically hurls him into the water. Snerk. Alex finds his way to the underwater clue cases pretty easily, but Wil doesn't. Wil swims around aimlessly while Alex starts working on the box. Tara, at this point, is still being moderately supportive, telling him to try swimming over where Alex is. (She doesn't quite yell, "Follow my boyfriend!", but that's what she's thinking.) Wil arrives at the boxes, and now he and Alex are both trying to open them. Alex comments that in addition to trying to open the box, they had to deal with diving underwater and then having to surface again so that they could, you know, exchange oxygen and carbon dioxide and everything. Tara yells encouragement to Wil (if you can really ever call it encouragement when you call someone "Weasel"). Chris comments that Alex is going to "beat this sissy Wil." Now, that's good, in the very limited sense that I'm glad he doesn't save the word "sissy" for gay men, which would be even worse. On the other hand, he's still a guy who favors "sissy" as an insult to hurl at men, which is not exactly my favorite thing. You know, Chris is about two-thirds a guy I absolutely can't stand, and about one-third a guy I totally dig. Flip the proportions, we'd be good to go.

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Amazing Race




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