Amazing Race
Follow That Plane!, Part II

Episode Report Card
Miss Alli: A+ | 1 USERS: A+
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Can you buy a neck for a million bucks?

The Teeth's plane lands, and they approach the igloo/fire gathering. Back at said gathering, Tara is at full throttle. "You have no social skills," she says. "You have the social skills of a gnat." I think she said "gnat," anyway. It's not a great line -- she sort of choked, because she's really angry. I'm also not sure we really know whether gnats have social skills or not -- they're certainly less annoying than Wil is, so they might actually resent the comparison. "You just treat people like dirt all the time, and you expect them to treat you nicely. I've been telling you this since the day I met you." Wil has his reply all ready: "Are you a nice person, Tara?" Tara: "Yeah, I am a nice person." "Are you a nice person to me?" She says she's been nice for years while he's been a jerk. We can't know whether that's true or not, of course, but she certainly hasn't been very pleasant to him for the last month or so. Go home, you two.

And here's the most intriguing moment yet. "I don't want you to get one penny," she says. "Of what?" he asks. "Of any money that you could win," she snots, as if she's just been so noble for so long that she can no longer bear it. "I'd rather not win the money so that you can not win the money," she says. Considering how the race ends, that's a mighty interesting comment, but honestly, I don't really think she means it. It's just more of her self-flagellating, cry-me-a-river, Joan-of-TARc routine. God, shut UP. She doesn't, though. (Do they ever?) She tells him again about treating people like dirt. She calls him a jerk again. Wil, because he has not observed anything that has occurred in his own life in the past thirty days, is confused. "Up until today, I thought we were getting along fine," he says. (TARflies: "Baaaaah!")

The Teeth approach the Adultery Alliance, having missed out on most of The Amazing Fireside Spat. They check in with the greeter (it's not a pit stop, but it has a cute greeter anyway), who welcomes them to Alaska. Back over by the fire, Princess Bitchety-Bitch is telling Wil how much more important to the team she is than he is. "I got you here, Wil. I've gotten you to every pit stop." She disappears into the igloo, her work all done. "Tomorrow's another day," an obviously embarrassed and uncomfortable Wil says to Boston.

Commercials. I must be hallucinating, because I thought I saw a commercial for the Honda Android. Somebody pinch me.

Teams strap on their snowshoes and take off across the tundra. When they reach the end of the little trail, they pull the next clue. It tells them to get into a "Sno-Cat," which is like a big bulldozer, only for -- well, snow. (It's shocking how good I am at keeping up, isn't it?) They have to drive this monster thing across a frozen lake to the next marker. Everybody climbs in pretty much simultaneously. Blake, Tara, and Chris are driving. Tara tells Wil she's driving the thing as fast as it goes, but he voices over that he was trying to get her to speed up a bit, because she was "a little bit slow, like a granny." He points out that Boston and the Teeth both passed them. (TARflies: "Yaaaay!") For whatever reason, Tara really seems to be genuinely unable to get her Cat to go any faster. "I have my foot on the gas!" she screams at Wil. "Whatever, Tara, whatever. I'm sick of you," he responds. Then he takes off his clothes, whistles "Yankee Doodle," and puts his fingers up his nose. Okay, he doesn't, but it would make as much sense as anything else he does in this sequence. "Your little buddies," Wil continues, "they're like fat, overweight, roly-poly pigs, and they've got like a ten-minute jump on us." I really don't know where to start. Chris and Alex are many things, but fat is not one of them. Also, Wil is being extremely redundant. Also-also, what would being fat roly-poly pigs have to do with being ahead in a bulldozer-driving race? I'm begging you, Wil -- shut up. I'll give you the million myself. One buck a week for a million weeks, if you'll just shut the hell up. "We'd be fifteen minutes ahead of them now if you weren't stupid," he rails. "This is your fault we're in last place," he finishes up. You know, just when I think she's just as bad as he is? He finds the stairs that lead down from the sub-sub-basement of annoying behavior in which they're currently living in sin.

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Amazing Race

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