Amazing Race
Go Mommy, Go! We Can Beat Them!

Episode Report Card
Miss Alli: B+ | Grade It Now!
On The Road Again

The Weavers and Gaghans are approaching the silos. The two teams drive toward the pit stop. "They are not going to win," Rebecca remarks with surprising vitriol as she unbuckles her seatbelt. "Carissa," Bill says, "we need wheels on you, girl." Carissa looks excitedly, happily out the window. She loves wheels. The Weavers and Gaghans pull into the pit stop with the Weavers in the lead. They run for the mat. "Carissa, wheels!" her mom yells -- not mean, just excited. Rolly actually gets to the mat first, but Bill is next. Then Tammy, then Billy, and then -- swept up by her mom as she hits the mat -- Carissa. So the Gaghans beat out the Weavers. I think the Gaghans are just lovely, and there's just something about Carissa, who I find to be -- and I know opinions have differed vehemently -- utterly un-self-conscious in this particular way. I love how she peers out the window like she absolutely cannot wait for whatever they're going to do, I love how she tears from one place to another, I love how she finds things like hammering stakes that she's not too little to do, and then she wants to do them all day long. I love that her parents think she's so cool, and I love that she came in a t-shirt and running pants, and I love that she doesn't care what her hair looks like or if her bandanna falls down around her neck. And I'm happy they beat the Weavers, whom I am still making up my mind about. Much will depend with all of these teams on how they react when things go wrong -- the kids especially -- but I'm optimistic.

Anyway, the Weavers land as team number three, which is still damn good. It doesn't really matter, after all -- team number two, team number three.

The Bransens are driving around. One of the girls comments that she's inclined to "poop [her] pants" from nervousness. Really, Tonya!

The Rogers house is coming together. The Blacks are working on theirs, too. And the Paolos? Fighting. Of course. The Schroeders are looking madly for bolts. The Rogers family finishes the Detour and takes off. And guess what? The Linzes, who arrives with the Gadzookskis, are still pushing the damn buggy. That was a painful decision.

Blacks, Paolos, Schroeders, building.

Commercials. Have you gotten the TAR1 DVD? I haven't. I'll get around to it.

When we come back, the Schroeders fix a wedged bolt, finish, and get on their way in seventh place. The Paolos yell at each other -- DJ is yelling at his mother, specifically -- right up until the very last moment, and then they finally get their wheel done and get moving. I just want them quiet. "I wish you would stop intentionally being annoying," Brian tells his mother in the car. It's not often I wish someone would backhand a kid, but these kids really could use it. I don't care what your dynamic is -- I don't trust guys who talk to their mothers this way. They will talk to their girlfriends and wives this way, too. It's totally unacceptable, no matter how irritating their mother is -- and she is very irritating. "What a family. Boy, let me tell you," Mama Paolo says, suddenly looking genuinely unnerved at how much her own sons are willing to humiliate her on television. As they drive, DJ angrily calls his mother a "pain in the ass." "A lot of this is unnecessary," Mama Paolo says, more quietly than usual. But then she has to go on the following TMI rant: "Really, Tony, it's been a lifetime of this, and I'm getting fed up with it." She starts to cry as they go back to hollering at her. "You guys are really embarrassing," she says, "and I'm getting fed up with it." Brian comes back, "I don't care if I'm embarrass-- you embarrass me all the time!" She leans over toward Tony. "Your son doesn't know when to shut up. So you're to have a good heart-to-heart with him, or things are going to change. And I'm serious. I've had it." First episode, folks. This is casting, not having learned the lesson of Jonathan and Victoria at all, and I'm very disheartened to see that they didn't learn that lesson. This is not fun, or entertaining, or amusing. This is a very fucked-up family, to have a 16-year-old boy berating his mother to the point of tears and not even flinching. Just...upsetting. Not fun. I really hope we can be rid of them soon, because most of the rest of these people are unobjectionable.

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Amazing Race




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