Amazing Race

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The Phuket List

Margie|Luke and Tammy|Victor have arrived at the zoo and find the gorilla statue almost simultaneously. They're still reading their clue when Mark and Michael sprint past them, yelling and hooting like morons. As both those teams get their photos done quickly, I'm starting to think the reason everything is closed is because you can't actually take Mark and Michael anywhere.

The Whites have at least arrived somewhere, but Patong Beach turns out to be a whole neighborhood instead of just one beach. The driver takes a look at the gorilla photo again, but doesn't really have anything to add. "Big gorilla...big, famous gorilla," Mike tries. No response. Mike makes an unhappy face. Which, being on Mike, is 25% more unhappy than your average unhappy face.

While Mark and Michael lie down to be mock-squished by elephants, the two female teams wait their turn outside the paddock fence and whisper over their excitement at having gotten to touch a tiger. The way the "elephant show" works is that the two Racers lie on their stomachs, with a zoo employee on the ground in front of them, I guess to serve as the elephant's "practice pulp" or something. An elephant trainer leads the animals over the three humans, prompting them to pat the people on the ass. And at the end, the second elephant turns and squats low over Michael as though he's about to take a crap on him. Which does not happen, because at the end we can still see Michael. As soon as they're done, they hop up, bow their thanks to the trainers, and run back to the tiger area, where their developed photo is waiting, with the next clue printed on the back. Team Go Team and the sisters are doing the elephants right behind them, while the Stuntmen read their next clue.

Phil narrates that they now need to get to Nguan Choon Tong Herbs Shop, which both he and the sign say is the oldest herb shop in town. But what if you want new herbs? When they get there, they'll need to ask the shopkeeper behind the counter to open one of his 99 drawers, one at a time until they find one with a clue inside. "Ohh!" the shopkeeper says as he demonstrates what a drawer with a clue inside it looks like. The Stuntmen are off. "All the other teams are here," Michael says once they're back in the cab. "Except for Mike and Mel, I didn't see Mike and Mel," he suddenly remembers.

While riding through town elsewhere -- worryingly elsewhere -- Mike and Mel decide to get out and ask people for directions The second person they talk to says, "Phuket Zoo!" And they both say, "No, no, no." Oh, dear.

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Amazing Race

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