Amazing Race

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The Phuket List

Team Family Law and Margie|Luke do the elephants, and the cheerleaders soon have their tiger photo/clue and are on their way to the herb shop. Kisha and Jen are right behind them in third pace. "I took a picture with a tiger and I didn't pee on myself," Kisha says in the cab. "I'm so pleased." The tiger probably would have seen it as a hostile act as well. Mel and Mike and their unhelpful cabdriver are still getting nowhere. Team Family Law runs out of the zoo with their photo/clue, calling out, "Mr. Bandit!" Margie|Luke are still right behind them, and the Whites are still clueless regarding the gorilla. "He's probably at the top of the Empire State Building holding some girl in his arm," Mel says. "We could end up never finding this thing." "We're lost," Mike says, and then amends it to, "We lost." Hey, we're not even to the first commercial break yet. Oh, wait, we are.

Finally, after the ads, a random guy in an orange t-shirt tells them, "Phuket Zoo, Phuket Zoo! Sure, one hundred percent!" As they get back in the car with their moron cabdriver, Mel understates, "It appears that lady luck did not shine brightly on Mel and Mike today." "If it's not at the zoo, then we gotta go somewhere else," Mike obviouses. But how is the pressure affecting Mel? "Let's stop for a Thai massage," he suggests. That means the tension is either getting to him a lot or not at all.

Team Go Team's cab passes that of Mark and Michael, whom they have dubbed the "Tweedles." "Kind of like Tweedledee and Tweedledum from Alice in Wonderland," they explain unnecessarily. They also remark on Mark's nonstop mouth, of which we get a rather lengthy demonstration. This core sample of Mark's chatter includes one of his favorite subjects, which is what an awesome runner he is. He boasts about how he could outrun any of the other teams in a 10K footrace. Too bad this isn't a 10K footrace, then. Unfortunately, he doesn't bother explaining that he and his brother keep placing in the bottom three because the Race also calls for activities like thinkin'.

The cheerleaders dash into the herb shop first, and have the shopkeeper open one of the drawers for them. He takes his time about it, which is going to make him Jaime's newest sworn enemy before long. Since the Stuntmen arrived right after them, they get to take a turn having him open one. Both come up empty. Jaime starts screaming at the poor shopkeeper for his twin crimes of not being fast enough and not speaking "a lick of English." He's like her version of a supervillain.

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Amazing Race

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