Amazing Race

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M. Giant: A- | 1 USERS: A+
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The Squid and the Fail

So now it's a taxi race. Jen's saying, "I think I'm gonna ask Phil, can I pee before he checks us in." And the cheerleaders have gotten themselves an Indy driver for a cabbie. "Where was he this whole trip?" they both wonder as he races them past bicyclists as though they're standing still. "Jen about to run 100 in about nine seconds because she got to pee! And it ain't no joke!" Jen proclaims. And for future reference, the way to shut Jaime up is to drive fast enough to actually frighten her.

The sisters get out of their cab in view of the Water Cube, and start hurrying toward the crowds milling around the Bird's Nest for some reason. Is there a swap meet going on in there today or something? What does Jen have to say in this significant moment, when she has a chance to survive the series of incredible setbacks that have plagued them this entire leg? "I'm gonna pee on myself," of course.

The cheerleaders get their first view of the Bird's Nest from the cab. "That thing is big," Jaime obviouses. Which is going to make it kind of tricky to find Phil, clearly. Outside the Water Cube (the sight of which can't be helping Jen with her current predicament), Kisha points out a line of port-a-potties to Jen and she ducks inside one. Oh my God, you've got to be kidding me. Kisha is left standing outside, and the Amazing Cameraman has a great shot of her speaking to us, with the "Occupied" sign above Jen's toilet glowing redly over Kisha's shoulder. Kisha says it's nerve-racking. "We still don't know exactly where we're going. But I didn't want her to pee on herself, so we'll run for it when she's done." On the one hand, a million dollars. On the other hand, dry pants. Hmmm...

Team Go Team has their driver stop while Jen's still in there, and they start running around looking for Phil and the mat. They don't see anything. "Come on, Jen," Kisha calls. Hey, four bottles takes a long time to come out, plus that robe she's in can't be easy to negotiate in a port-a-potty. The cheerleaders are calling out, "Niao Chao?" at random, as though they aren't almost literally in its shadow. The sisters seem to be quite a bit further away when Jen emerges, looking wrung out and several pounds lighter. I think her eyes have actually receded in their sockets. Both teams wander around some more, and the sisters seem as close as the cheerleaders as Jen says, "It's like Where's Waldo? I hated that game!" Phil points again. Both teams run, and "I see Phil," says...Jaime. Yes, Team Go Team makes it to the mat in third place. They stand there exhausted as Phil milks it. "Jaime and Cara...I'm sorry to tell you...you're going to have to keep racing, because you are team number three! You are still in the Amazing Race." They're still celebrating as he congratulates them on being not only in the final three, but on having a crack at making history by becoming the first all-female team to win the Amazing Race. Which is technically true, I suppose, but they're going to be up against two other teams who have won seven legs between them, whereas the only Pit Stop Jaime and Cara reached first turned out to not be a Pit Stop at all. So yes, I suppose I would have to admit that they have a slightly better chance of becoming the first all-female team to win than I do. Cara hugs Phil and the greeter, probably getting red facepaint all over her white parka. "Did I tell you that there's always hope?" Cara says to Jaime.

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Amazing Race

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