Amazing Race
Help Me, I'm American

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Miss Alli: A | Grade It Now!
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Come on baby, let's do the twist

12:46 AM. Oswald and Danny. They say they "recognize each other for what [they] are." I'm leaving that one right there. See? Walking away.

At the club, Blake is trying, and failing, to dance with the Feathered Girl. He's really just kind of bouncing up and down. Blake, if you want to be my boyfriend, we have to have some rules, and one of them is that not being able to dance is okay, but doing the Pogo Stick Boogie as a substitute? Not so much. Once they get the clue and leave, Blake comments that "Chris and Alex just went into the dancers." Yeah, I'll just bet they did.

Boston gets the clue.

In the Blake/Paige cab, he comments how "hot" the Feathered Girl was. Paige says, "You like dancing with hot girls when we're in a hurry." I have to wonder whether this has happened before, and if so, under what possible circumstances. Anyway, Hope and Norm are in the club getting their clue. Once they clear out, they wind up behind Boston, and (I think) knowing that Alex speaks Portuguese, they decide that following those guys is a pretty good strategy. Speaking of Portuguese, Alex is indeed speaking it to their driver, heading for the mountain. Boston thinks they've picked a winner in The Cab Driver Sweepstakes.

Mary and the Fruit, followed by Oswald and Danny, grab the clue and leave the club.

Tarawil are haranguing their cab driver some more. The tank is almost empty (the dashboard warning light is actually on), and they're still driving around. Hee. Their driver hates them, you can tell. He has this cold glare like he's going to dump them by the side of the road at any time, and frankly, I wouldn't blame him. If we've learned anything about cab drivers, it's that the time to yell at them is after the ride, not during the ride. Do it during the ride, and the situation is sure to get worse.

1:24 AM. Gary and Dave are still alive, not having fallen off the boat in the middle of the night like I was hoping they would. They open the clue. The "crazy best friends against the world" line is played again, and it still makes my eyelid twitch. In an interview, Gary points out that they may not have smarts (obviously) or looks (duh), but they have heart. They do? Ugh. And here, in another of their Obviously Rehearsed Moments Of Non-Spontaneous Levity, he says that tortoises aren't smart, but they win the race, and he and Dave do the "ba-doop, ba-doop" Slow Turtle Theme from the old Warner Brothers cartoon. You know, Gary and Dave are here at the Giggle Barn every Saturday night, so tip your waitress and try the three-dollar steak special. It's delicious.

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Amazing Race

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