Amazing Race
Help Me, I'm American

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Miss Alli: A | Grade It Now!
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Come on baby, let's do the twist

1:32 AM. Peggy and Claire. They get to shore (wearing T-shirts emblazoned with "GUTSY GRANDMA" on the back -- ick). In an interview (wearing "Peg" and "Claire" labeled shirts -- also ick), Peggy says that Claire is faster than she is. I think this is in part because Claire spends more time moving and less time complaining, but I could be wrong. Peggy goes on to say she gets tired easily. Sigh. Can I ask what exactly these two, Peggy in particular, thought this experience was going to be like? I've never heard so much grousing in all my life. It's a race, ladies. Get going. They get in a cab.

Jeebus is at the mountain, where they de-cab. The climb up the hill looks pretty tough, and Cyndi is worried that she can't keep going. But she does. "Oh God, help us," she says. Yeah, since we're doing Divine Intervention Through Yard Decorations, maybe He can send a pink flamingo this time. Or one of those things you put in your garden that looks like a lady bending over with her behind in the air. ["In defense of Team Jeebus, the last time I climbed a hill of any consequence, I implored God to either 'help me' or 'kill me now' at least a dozen times, so I kind of felt for Cyndi. The angel thing was still way annoying, though." -- Sars] They make it up the mountain to the McFlag, and open the clue, which turns out to be a Detour. Phil explains the whole choose-one-of-two-tasks notion behind the Detour. Your options this time? Go hang-gliding (strapped to somebody who actually knows how to do it, of course), or spend what looks like it would be an enormous amount of time searching the beach with a metal detector. In other words, they want everybody to go hang-gliding. They call this Detour "Seek Out" or "Freak Out," which is undoubtedly the worst Detour-naming job they have ever done.

Anyway, Jeebus immediately picks hang-gliding, and good for them.

Shola and Doyin make their way toward the mountain. As they de-cab, their taxi driver doesn't quite realize that Shola has already climbed out, and he continues inching forward a little, eventually running over his foot. Ow. He runs over it but good, too, because Shola's shoe winds up entirely under the tire. Shola rolls on the ground, writhing in pain. (Miss Alli's Mom: "Eh. Your father ran over my foot with the car once. Hey, does that make me a Gutsy Grandma?")

Commercials. Andie McPhee is Laura Ingalls Wilder. I love the part where Nellie Oleson inadvertently gives her Ecstasy.

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Amazing Race

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