Amazing Race
Help Me, I'm American

Episode Report Card
Miss Alli: A | 1 USERS: A+
Come on baby, let's do the twist

Gary and Dave, because they are still idiots, go for the metal detector next. Meanwhile, back at the hang-gliding starting gate, Blake and Paige show up, having fallen far, far back in the pack. Blake says that they ate breakfast and slept on the beach, which all sounds great, except that they should have been up on the mountain the entire time. Mistake. Everybody straps on their hang-gliding gear. Alex says he hopes some of the other teams are scared. Well, "scay-ahd" is what he actually says.

Down on the beach, Gary and Dave choose a metal detector and set out on their treasure hunt. Dave, because he is not quite as much of an idiot as Gary, quickly catches on that this is an insane thing for them to be spending time on. There's a mile and a half of beach and they're looking with a metal detector the size of a dinner plate. Get the hint, geeks: The producers want you to go hang-gliding.

Speaking of which, here we are, back up on the mountain. It's almost time for Jeebus to take off. Note that the teams go one member at a time, because each member has to be strapped to an instructor so as not to, you know, actually die. Russell is off first, followed by Cyndi. Yes, we're made of stern stuff up here on the frozen tundra, and I'm starting to enjoy Russell and Cyndi's can-do, perky, go-get-'em attitude. Yeah, I know -- that's the hot-dish talking. Anyway, Peggy looks on with trepidation, especially when she learns that you have to get a running start. She thought you just leaned off, like bungee jumping. Sigh. Peggy isn't making this very easy. She claims the problem is that she has a trick knee from an old skiing accident (hey, maybe that was her in that "agony of defeat" clip), but truthfully? I think she's just scared. Which is fine, but I wish she'd just say that. Say "I'm going to pee my pants, I'm so scared," and I'll be your friend for life. "Uh, trick knee!"? Not so much.

Gary tells Dave that they need to give up and go for the glider. Yeah, no kidding, nitwit. They turn tail and run.

Tara and Wil dive off the mountain. Unfortunately, the principles of hang-gliding related to gravity and wind resistance and lift and things like that apply to them as well, so they float harmlessly to earth. (How does her hair look like she intended it to look that way when she just went hang-gliding wearing a helmet, for God's sake?) The next clue tells the teams to travel by bus to Foz do Iguacu, which is about 900 miles away. Yep, by bus. Tara is not happy about this (she says "bus" like it's "dry scaly rash"), and for once, I have to say I understand. Nine hundred miles by bus is a long way -- I once bused it from Oberlin (near Cleveland) to Philadelphia, and it's no 900 miles, and I was fit to be tied when I got off the damn bus. Everybody needs a taxi to the bus station.

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Amazing Race




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