Amazing Race
Here We Go, Baby, Off To Win A Million Bucks

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Miss Alli: A | Grade It Now!
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Brazil nuts

The first flight to arrive is the United flight, which lands at 10:15. Teams run for cabs. As Wanda and Desiree hustle into a cab, observers will note that Wanda's knowledge of Spanish is clearly going to be of great benefit to them for the next little bit here. She tells us that she speaks Spanish, of course, and a little Portuguese as well. "We're going to get along like peas and carrots," she says. Wait, is that a thing? Is that where Keith Famie got it? I thought he was just twee and into vegetables.

Meanwhile, Eric and Jeremy try to get their cab driver to tell them whether he saw other teams leaving. "Did you see pretty girls with big boobs? Or a mom and a daughter?" The driver doesn't answer. "What color hair did they have?" they ask him. "Brown," he answers. "Mom and daughter," Eric observes. "They're a couple of minutes ahead of us." He pauses. "Bitches." Now, I get that he thinks this is funny. The problem is that in the context of already having called Dani and Danielle "hos" when he hadn't even met them, it's just not that funny. Also, it's fascinating that he identifies Dani and Danielle as "pretty girls with big boobs," and he apparently paid no attention to the fact that Desiree is substantially better-looking than either of them, and that their boobs, while not small, are not distractingly large or anything. Which isn't a knock on them, even -- it's just me noting that sometimes, who gets labeled "pretty" by a certain type of guy has a hell of a lot to do with a hell of a lot of things other than actually being pretty. Like...they're more Pretty Girls than they are girls who are pretty, you know?

John and Scott get their cab, followed by Dave and Lori.

Five minutes after the United flight, at 10:20 AM, the American flight lands. In a cab, Tyler laments that their flight was delayed, so they figure they're a couple of minutes after the United flight. Which is exactly true. BJ goes on to say that they learned some helpful Portuguese phrases. He proceeds to compliment their driver and then ask him to pass another car, which he does. It borders on charming that they're so surprised and delighted when they use Portuguese and it actually works -- kind of like guys making a radio out of a potato and being shocked when they can tune in a station. But I still don't think I like them. Dave and Lori note that Tyler and BJ seem to be just ahead of them (they are apparently in the car that was passed), so they realize that perhaps the boys were delayed on the first flight. Fran and Barry get on their way, and then Dani and Danielle. So the girls were first to the American counter, and out of the two groups of teams on the first two flights, they're now last. Oh, fortune. Their driver asks them if they're celebrities, and they assure him that they are. I probably would, too.

At 10:55 AM, the Continental flight arrives. Joseph and Monica get the best jump. So I guess all that angling to be first to the counter wasn't very effective, was it, Lake-Like-The-Ocean? Lake and Michelle are next, and Lake wants to "beat Ray and them." At least he didn't say "that black girl." Joseph and Monica get going, and then the other teams follow. Lake and Michelle, Ray and Yolanda, Lisa and Joni. Joni (I think) is sad to learn that Spanish is not the same thing as Portuguese. "I thought, like, Spanish was the universal language of the world," she says. And...I'd give that one a pass, because it's not completely absurd to think you could use Spanish in Brazil, even though it's wrong. At least she admits it, unlike people who yell "rapido, rapido" in China and use the word "fast-o" just about everywhere.

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Amazing Race

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