Amazing Race
Here We Go, Baby, Off To Win A Million Bucks

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Miss Alli: A | Grade It Now!
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Joseph and Monica are dating. They bicker, but then they get over it. They are the sort of bland, pretty couple I don't mind a bit as long as there's only one of them, as there is here. It was when they used to cast, like, half the teams from this demographic that it was objectionable. She talks about how competitive he is as we watch them water-skiing. He jumps over her, all flipping around and so forth, so that's impressive. And then he crashes into her and knocks her down and they land in a heap in the water, which doesn't inspire high levels of confidence, necessarily, and which I hope is not metaphorical in any way. "There's no stopping the MoJo," he says. You may have heard a funeral dirge at this point during the episode, and if you did, it was the sound of them becoming dead to me. I despise the entire concept of that nickname. I am a well-established hate-hate-hater of the idea of smooshing names together to come up with things to call couples, and to have people do it to themselves in a way that results in the use of an actual word as farcical as "mojo" is really...off-putting. And I am not loving the sea-foam satin halter top she's wearing in her interview.

And now, Eric and Jeremy. They are your two Dudes. Their discussion to go on the race undoubtedly proceeded thusly: "Dude?" "Dude!" They are a bartender and a valet, but I suspect that their actual occupation is "Unemployment Check Collector." Eric says that they work as little as possible, and they try to mostly hang out at the beach. I have nothing against enjoying your leisure time, but I do have a problem with how edgy they seem to think it makes them. Working enough to handle your financial obligations while reserving as much of the rest of your time for the activities you enjoy is not exactly putting you on the cutting edge of American culture. It's not like the rest of us are getting up and going to the office because we can't think of anything we'd rather be doing. They announce, as if it makes them even more wicked and dangerous, that they'd like to be millionaires, but not by working. Boy, that is a pretty unconventional viewpoint. With the exception of the tens of millions of people who play the lottery and everyone who comes on this show, I can't think of anyone who shares it. I don't really hate them yet; I just find them achingly pedestrian. It would help if I found either one of them even one percent attractive, which I don't. Eric is unsuccessfully fighting a hairline issue, for one thing, which isn't at all disqualifying unless you're still trying to get by on "Dude!" as your manifesto.

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Amazing Race

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