Amazing Race
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Episode Report Card
Miss Alli: B | 1 USERS: A+
Tea and Treachery

Notre Dame. Paul and Amie, Davey and Margaretta, Lenny and Karyn, Nancy and Emily, all approaching.

Team Guido, refreshed from a night of coffee and self-love, walks toward the Pantheon at 10:00 AM. Spotting it, Joe busts out his most irritating moment yet: "Voila! So say the Frohhhhnsh." Yeah, okay. You're so fucking French you can say "Voila." I can say "caveat emptor," and it doesn't make me Julius Caesar, so just pipe down, chucklehead. They see the other teams, and Bill somewhat dispiritedly remarks as follows: "Rob and Margarita are here, and Frank and Brennan." See? I think Margarita WAS making out with Rob, and Bill can just sense the sexual tension from across the street. In other news, can I just ask why the Guidos are so surprised? What did they think was going to prevent the other teams from finding their way to the Pantheon sometime before ten in the morning? I mean, the wheel opened an hour ago, so even if the other teams hadn't made it to the wheel by 12:30 the night before, they'd probably be here now. Just how much smarter than everyone else do these guys think they are?

As the Guidos approach their ex-alliance-mates, Bill mutters to Joe, "Don't say a word. Don't say where we were." What? Who gives a rip? You think EDG is going to glean some kind of crucial information from the fact that you sipped tea and took a walk? Team Guido is really beginning to annoy me. EDG notices the approaching matching outfits, which Margarita calls "trouble." Rob voices over that the other contestants feel that Joe and Bill "try to hold other people back with deceit and trickery." Did you really say that, Rob? Is that the way you talk? It appears that aforementioned lawyer has been drafting an overabundance of legal documents. Further affiant saith not.

Joe, approaching the group: "Bonjour! Bonjour! Hey, big strong guys like you, how come you're not doing the steps? Don’t you need a little aerobic exercise?" The members of EDG could not look more unamused if they were having a gang bikini wax. "What did you guys do last night?" someone asks the Guidos. "Oh, we just looked all night, looked everywhere all night," Bill lies self-importantly, as if (1) EDG is so stupid that they're going to think these guys spent the last nine and a half hours looking for the Pantheon; and (2) their episode of tea-drinking is so important -- so world-bendingly indicative of something crucial (their own superiority, I presume) -- that they don't want to release the information, lest they create a panic. They are really working my last nerve here.

It's 9:59, the agonizing Moment Before Everything Opens. Pat and Brenda are at the wrong museum, Guido and EDG are at the right museum, and everybody else is at Notre Dame (except Kevin and Drew, who are on their way to the south of France). Brenda is beginning to worry that she and Pat may not be in the right place. There is much good-natured banter among the Notre Dame crowd. Back at the Pantheon, Rob and Brennan voice-over that the teams waiting there made an agreement that when the Pantheon opened, they would walk in "like gentlemen" (presumably except for Margarita). Rob says they agreed to go "in the order in which [they] arrived: [Rob and Brennan], Frank and Margarita, and then Bert and Ernie." Snort.

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Amazing Race




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