Amazing Race
Houston, We Have An Elephant

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Miss Alli: B+ | Grade It Now!
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Animal magnetism
In a hurry? Read the recaplet for a nutshell description!

Previously on Good 1, Evil 0: Everyone hauled ass from Argentina to South Africa, and Ray and Deana snagged the Fast Forward. Rob and Amber, on the other hand, learned that neither "Fast" nor "Forward" is any kind of an enforceable contract provision. Gretchen cracked her head on the side of a cave, but was surprisingly unfazed, to the point where she barely stopped nagging her husband (in the best way) to get the damn clue so they could leave. They did arrive last at the pit stop, though, and while it was non-elimination, it was also even more of a mugging than before, as Phil took not only all their money but all of their stuff as well, probably scoring some kick-ass old-man pants and a giant can of antifungal foot powder. Uchenna and Joyce were the nicest people ever, reaching out to orphans and the elderly within a span of about five minutes. Next: Uchenna and Joyce play Twister at a leper colony! Then in Botswana, Greg and Brian crashed their car, and Lynn and Alex stopped for the sole purpose of showing that their deep-seated human compassion was morally superior to the mad drive-by skillz of Rob and Amber, which it kind of was at that particular moment. Unfortunately, every time compassion tried to take a well-deserved bow, self-righteousness pushed it out of the way, like, "This is my show, bitches." Ray and Deana fought at the Detour to the point where they couldn't even pound corn (not a euphemism, not that I think they were doing much of that, either), and it all led to a highly dramatic foot race to the pit stop, in which Ray and Deana found their asses smoked by the delectable Brian and Greg. Thank God. Go home, people. My sense is that Deana needs a chemical peel, a new boyfriend, and about twenty-four straight days of uninterrupted sleep. Get a clue, Ray: In Runaway Bride, Julia Roberts married Richard Gere, not Christopher Meloni, and imagine how undesirable Christopher Meloni's personality traits would have to be in order for that to occur. Climbing Annapurna is not a honeymoon! Anyway. Six teams left. Who will be Philiminated...next?

Credits. I can't believe there are literally two American flags in the background of the Ron and Kelly shot. I'm surprised there's not a big Uncle Sam walking around on stilts with sparklers in both hands while a marching band replete with tubas goes by. [BOMP.]

Commercials. My argument with myself over whether I'm going to go see Fever Pitch has reached the point where a professional mediator may be required.

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Amazing Race

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