Amazing Race
Houston, We Have An Elephant

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Miss Alli: B+ | Grade It Now!
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Animal magnetism

5:43 AM. Rob and Amber. Amber tells us that she thinks doing the race is great, but she's especially happy that they're getting along so well and having such a good time. Rob, taking a slightly darker view, interviews that they "have no friends left," which I'm sure is quite a rude surprise for Rob, considering how hard he's been trying, all in hopes that he could go out for president of the Rotarians on the strength of his shit-eating grin. How, really, could he have known it would end up this way? In the car, he comments on how beautiful Botswana is. Ah, Rob. Botswana will never love you back, my man.

5:51 AM. Uchenna and Joyce. We learn that the teams have $85 for the leg. They jog to their car, and Uchenna talks about how happy they are to find themselves in Africa. And alive, and driving, and talking, and wearing clothes, and really, everything makes them happy, but not in a gross way, which is very hard to do. Uchenna's father, it turns out, is a native Nigerian, so he's finding it pretty profound to "put your feet on soil that your ancestors actually are from." Man, I feel the same way every time I'm, like, in the suburbs. They follow the markers away from the pit stop.

5:52 AM. Lynn and Alex. Unsurprisingly, Alex believes that he and Lynn are playing differently than anyone else. And I don't want to give anything away, but you should know that they don't exactly think that they way they play the game makes them less awesome than everyone else. He goes on to say that while other teams are "dirty," he and Lynn are "good, honest players," but are just "sneaky." That's quite a piece of spin. Dirty is dirty, unless it's you -- then it's just sneaky! If I ever get caught in a giant scandal, I am totally hiring these guys as my spinmeisters. They do it with such righteous conviction, you know?

6:12 AM. Happy tootling music swiped from Lion King outtakes brings us to Meredith and Gretchen, who have now officially lasted longer than they should have under any logical version of events, and are thus an unavoidably happy story, because it's all Gravy Time now, baby! Besides, I know that speaking for myself, I'm never more cheerful than right after a head injury. Gretchen talks about what a "miracle" it is that they're still around, and how "anything can happen in this game, that's for sure." Oh, and "it's good to be alive." I'm telling you, having no excuse for not having already been eliminated really takes a lot of the pressure off. They watch for markers, and are happy to finally see one.

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Amazing Race

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