Amazing Race
How Do We Know We Aren't Going To Get Shot?

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Antebellum? I hardly even know 'em!

8:09 AM. Team Rogers. In the pre-race interview where he looks like he's trying to be the biggest bad-ass outlaw in the entire Click Five, Brock says that his father is "definitely in charge." Mm-hmm. There's some more talk about how Papa Rogers always thinks his way is best. I wonder if that's foreshadowing of some sort. Also, as the day of racing begins, Brock is wearing a shirt that says "I [heart] [heart] TWINS." That [equals sign] [equals sign] stupid.

8:18 AM. Schroeders. Stassi explains in an interview that she and her family went into the race thinking they knew everything and would be number one. Gee, I wonder which member of the family was responsible for that theory. Must have been a big blowhard, whoever it was. Incidentally, Stassi is one of many young women her age who could stand to stop layering things with thin straps over things with thick straps, because that just looks silly. Anyway, Stassi says that the family isn't as "prepared" as they expected, but they're "learning." Hm. They close up their cargo carrier and go. I think they'd learn more if they took the muzzle off of poor Hunter, who is currently registering as little more than an empty orange polo shirt.

In the Godlewski car, the urgent guitar funk brings the news that they are pulling in to fill up with gas. You can't tell whether it's a BP station, meaning that it probably isn't.

Meanwhile, Tammy Gaghan gives a nice explanation of how she and Bill spent last evening looking at maps and getting into "cruise mode," but her efforts are all for naught, because the entire time, we are looking at Billy in the back seat, making faces. Why yes, he is twelve, thanks for asking. Dad doesn't seem to be paying any attention to him, but he's certainly cracking his sister up. As the kids continue to screw around, Tammy ultimately says to them that she and Dad "need to focus." "We're in race mode," Dad tells them. "Not in...stupid mode." As much as I normally dislike suggesting your kids are doing anything stupid, what fascinates me about that is that he says it as if being in stupid mode is perfectly okay at the right time and place. Not ready to get out of stupid mode -- and thus a little easier for me to relate to than when he was in unending "I'm sorry I couldn't contribute" mode -- Billy continues to make faces, and my favorite part is that you can see Carissa's hand appear behind her father and poke Billy in the shoulder. You know, some things about bringing your kids on car trips are universal, camera or no camera, and that's probably a good thing.

Sharon is still filling up the Gabbleski car, and her sisters ultimately insist that ten gallons is enough, and they need to get going. Back in the car, they head for Route 30. The Weavers are busy doing the same, although they apparently lack confidence in their map, so they ask for divine assistance as a backup. (God [booming voice]: "Would it be all right if I got someone else lost instead? I'd certainly like to help you win money, and I have a 'two birds with one stone' thing in mind, righteousness-wise.") In other parts of the God-fearing universe, in the Rogers car, Papa Rogers is driving, but he's telling the family to be on the lookout for Shoehouse Road. So you'll notice that when certain people are doing the driving, the entire family is responsible for watching the road for signs. The Schroeders, meanwhile, are taking what Papa Mark characterizes as a "shortcut." It's too bad he actually has a whole bunch of people in his car, because he totally seems like the type to come up with inventive ways to abuse the carpool lane. I imagine down jackets stuffed with old underwear.

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Amazing Race

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