Amazing Race
How Do We Know We Aren't Going To Get Shot?

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Miss Alli: B | Grade It Now!
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Antebellum? I hardly even know 'em!

8:21 AM. Paolos. Booooo! DJ and Mama are already yelling at each other as the team leaves the mat, and she gripes in an interview that nobody listens to her. I have learned that there are certain people whose physical presence I find so abrasive and irritating that I cannot have a good time while they are in the room, and I can't help thinking this family might be among them. She says that they ought to realize that if she's persistent about something, there's probably a point to what she's saying. Of course, when you deliver everything with your voice cranked up to Gawwwwwd, it's less likely that people are going to listen to you. They fill up their cargo carrier. DJ tells us in a interview that his "mother's nagging is constant." It's so pitiful that this kid has no idea how he comes off at all. He very clearly expects us to be like, "Dude, I so totally hear you; your mother is such a pain!" And while that's true, it's also true that he is worse, much more relentless, and infinitely meaner. He combines his mother's relentlessness and tin ear with a certain meanness she doesn't seem to have. I think that of all these unlikable people, he is my least favorite.

8:24 AM. Bransens. Wally switches things up by telling us that he underestimated his own team, figuring they maybe "wouldn't do that well." But he's happy with how they're doing so far. Elizabeth points out for those who weren't paying attention that Wally is not an optimist. There's something about this team that just doesn't register with me. Aside from the fact that all the Tonyas are young and blonde, what about this family's dynamic would ever have suggested to anyone that they would be a good choice for one of only ten families from the entire country? They all seem like nice people, but...frankly, they seem like the family you would get if you averaged every nice, upper-middle-class family in the Midwest. I have yet to see any evidence that the Tonyas have personalities distinct from each other, and that's probably the biggest problem of all. They head for Route 30.

8:37 AM. Aiello. SIL Kevin talks about how much they all want to impress Tony, who's such a big family guy. SIL Matt agrees that indeed, they are trying to make Tony proud. This would be a lot more intriguing if it weren't obvious that Tony totally loves all these boys.

8:45 AM. The last team to leave is the Linzes. Megan delivers some generalized talk about how it's not great to be leaving in last place, but there's no point in getting down on yourselves, blah blah. Tommy is wearing a Cincinnati Bengals-y football jersey that says "Perry" on the back and sports #26, leading to my receipt of a puzzled text message from one of my more football-knowledgeable friends demanding to know how it's possible that Cincinnati backup running back Chris Perry has fans. But Cincinnati backup running back Chris Perry is listed as #23, so this will have to remain a mystery. Why is Tommy wearing a "Perry" jersey that doesn't align with any existing Perry? This is what we are asking. Was there an appropriate Perry in the past? I demand an explanation. Otherwise, we're going with Cincinnati backup running back Chris Perry and a misprint.

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Amazing Race

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