Amazing Race
How's That Face Feel?

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Miss Alli: C+ | Grade It Now!
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The agony of non-defeat

The Weavers finally get themselves to Olympic Park. They do their usual thing where they try to fool people into thinking they aren't really upset about finding that they're Yielded. In this case, however, it's invisible people, so I'm not sure whose benefit this is for, exactly. As they sit on the mat and eat, Mama announces that they knew they'd be Yielded because two teams were so "rude." Too bad her great strategy of attacking the last team to Yield her didn't get her anything in terms of results. Mama insists with a laugh that people always like them. She's never seen a situation in which anyone disliked her family. I suppose if you hang around with a very tiny number of people who are as tiny as you are, you wouldn't really find out what the rest of the world would think if you ever interacted with it. I almost feel like having raised these kids that way, she would have been better off just letting them stay inside that little box, you know? Her kids are like declawed cats – she's made them incapable of dealing with the outside world. She's crippled all their coping skills and made them into eternal crybabies. I'm not sure it's even fair to put them out in regular life with regular people, because they don't have the skills to handle it. ["It's not like regular people are going to be lining up for the privilege after seeing this shit on TV, either." -- Sars]

Meanwhile, in Salt Lake City, the Linzes are looking for the library, and Megan, much more filled with confidence than she was earlier in the race, decides to start asking people where to find it. They get directions from a lady and head off, with Megan noting that they know the other teams aren't far behind, and it's always possible that somebody else will find the library first. Elsewhere, we see Wally and the Tonyas in town as well, although it's one of those where it's just impossible to tell whether any of this is actually happening at the same time. The music thumps and accelerates, and the Linzes park their car and run for the roof of the library. "I'm coming, Phil!" yells one of the boys, absolutely and definitely doing his Ian impression, which is a little bit awesome, appreciation-of-history-wise. And now, the Linzes land on the mat, where Phil is waiting with a lovely greeter. "Miss Utah?" one of the boys says, looking at her. "Miss Latin Utah, even better," Nick notes. And it's gross, but slightly funny. Come on, give me a break. My other option for comedy is the Weavers, and they're unintentionally funny, which is different. Anyway, Phil finally gives them the first-place finish they've been craving. At first, Phil tries to fake them out with the news that they get no prize, but he quickly gives it up that in fact, they've won a trip to...Wyoming. And Wyoming is very beautiful and everything (not to the Weavers, of course, but to me), but still...I have to wonder, you know? You finally get your prize, and everybody else won Belize and Costa Rica and so forth, and Phil's like, "You get to go to...Jackson Hole!" To their credit, the Linzes look really excited and happy, and I suppose a resort vacation is a resort vacation. In fact, one of them says, "That's perfect." Maybe they ski. If they do, it would indeed be perfect. Phil points out to Tommy that for their victory, they even got the beautiful woman. The Linzes bubble with happiness, which means they are peaking at exactly the right time, and they're really the only team that is. This game, as much as any other, is really all about momentum.

Wally and the Tonyas are welcomed as team number two. The Gadzookskis come in next. Welcome, pinks, you are team number three. Phil asks them whether they're happy about the Yield situation, and they pronounce themselves "very happy." Christine wraps up their day with an interview in which she admits that she likes to talk, but she vows that she'll "back off" if it's bugging her sisters. Which I think it is, so the backing off could probably commence any time now. The pinks high-five.

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Amazing Race

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