Amazing Race
I Didn't Make Her Cry

Episode Report Card
M. Giant: C | Grade It Now!
The Gloves Come Off

"On your right," JJ says to Brendon as he passes him going up the hill. I've always suspected that "on your right" is secretly biker-ese for "fuck you," and this does nothing to disprove that theory. JJ is the first to reach the top of the hill, but both teams are back in their vehicles by the time Bopper and Mark arrive in theirs, in fourth place. "Follow them!" Rachel orders their driver, meaning the Border Patrol. Brendon yells out the window to Mark and Bopper to do Courtship, so that's what they decide to do. JJ's just as annoyed by Team Big Brother following them as ever.

Other Rachel and Dave reach the village and head to the Marksmanship range. Dave tries to get Other Rachel to watch him so he can show her how it's done, but so far he's just showing her how to miss. Bopper and Mark show up and head into the courtship area and start jumping. "White men can jump!" Bopper crows over the din.. Mark adds in an interview that they could have kept doing this for ten minutes. Bopper talks about how welcome they felt, but Mark says he hopes nobody thought Bopper was courting. They get their clue in third place and take their leave like they're the Beatles. Over at the Marksmanship range, Other Rachel and Dave see their departure and then Dave almost immediately gets his target. Good, now he's free to annoy Other Rachel during what will be many more unsuccessful -- nope, she gets it two tries later, so they're in fourth place. That could have gone a lot worse.

The third and last pair of teams finally reaches the guy with the bikes. Team No Longer Undercover, in fifth place, chooses Marksmanship, the same as Vanessa and Ralph. Three of them are soon riding bikes down the steep, bumpy hill, but tiny little Vanessa can't seem to get her high bicycle balanced and keeps falling off and crashing into the ditch. Maybe you do forget how to ride a bike, if you're Vanessa. As Nary and Jamie reach the village, she gives up and walks it down the hill, yelling at Ralph's attempts at verbal assistance. "I can't ride it, it's too tall!" We go to ads wondering how many times in her relationship she's told him that.

She takes another crack at it after the ads, with her feet splayed out to the sides instead of on the pedals. I think that's to serve the dual purpose of helping her stay on balance and to break her fall when she inevitably fails to do so. Sure enough, she ends up crashing again, although at least this time she makes a relatively soft landing onto a high dirt bank. "Just walk it, babe," Ralph says, as though that isn't what she's been wanting to do all along. Meanwhile, at the bottom of the hill, Jamie and Nary have already started throwing Rungu. "We're used to targets and we're both great shots," Jamie interviews, all evidence to the contrary. "I hear that," says Jamie's femur.

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Amazing Race




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