3:05 AM. The Paolos. Booooo! I want to open this week's Paolo Smackdown Coverage with a story, which is that I was chitchatting with a friend this week about guys and their moms, and how you don't always want to hear too much about their moms. I made the comment, though, that there are guys who, once you see how they act with their moms, you would never date them, ever, ever, ever. And then, at precisely the same instant, he and I said, "DJ Paolo." And really, if the show makes it a little bit harder for that kid to get a date, this entire season, as the movie says, ain't been in vain for nothing. Anyway, Tony interviews that the country is so great that he wants his kids to embarrass him in every stinking acre of it, or whatever such of a thing. DJ and his mother bicker in the car, unsurprisingly. I tell you, that right there is beyond needing a macro. "DJ and his mother bicker" needs a single symbol, like Prince's name used to be. Or a number. Maybe instead of "DJ and his mother bicker," I could just write, "12."
Weavers and Linzes are approaching Dulles. Mama Weaver actually gets her driver to go on the highway in reverse after he overshoots the exit. (Write your own embarrassed-to-make-it remark about how odd it is that the mother of a bunch of kids who lost their dad in a car crash would make a driver go backwards on the highway.) The Linzes note this, but because it involves neither farting nor fat girls, they have nothing of note to say, other than "Ha." It's like they know it's funny, but they have no tools with which to attack it. The Linzes wind up being first to the airport, and they head for Independence Air. They get a flight that arrives at 10:04 AM. Two minutes earlier! Two minutes! What suspense! What will happen? Who will lose the precious two minutes? The Weavers and Linzes both get tickets on the Independence Air flight.
The Gadzookskis arrive next, and they get the lead from the Linzes on the flight. Schroeders, Aiellos, and Bransens are arriving as well, and Wally notes that they should talk to "Boston" (the Aiellos), a team that tends to treat them well. A Tonya calls out to the boys. Unfortunately, Wally and the girls tell the Aiellos that US Air is the first flight. Two precious minutes! You bastards! These teams, however, figure out the Independence Air thing when they get inside, and the Aiellos and Schroeders (who just got to the counter) take that flight, but Wally and the Tonyas are left behind. They are now behind by two minutes, given the fact that as we all know, flights land and taxi with perfect precision and arrive at the gate to the minute when they are scheduled. The Gaghans get to the airport and get their US Air tickets.
Elsewhere, Mama Weaver says that she's trying to get to know the airport, which seems a little dweeby to me. Stassi Schroeder watches suspiciously as the Weavers rendezvous with a ticket agent. Mama Weaver reports that she is intimidated by airports, which…perhaps not exactly the right show for you, I think, if that's the way you feel. Stassi declares the Weavers "sneaky," and SIL Matt remarks, "Interesting." I'm not at all convinced that any of the Weavers are bright enough to be labeled "sneaky," which is so often the case when intrigue is suspected. The SILs are suspicious that the Weavers are getting another flight, but of course, they're not. As the Weavers walk past the Aiellos, one of the SILs says casually, "Did you find another flight?" The Weavers ignore him. Of course, there's no obligation to share, but you could acknowledge them when they speak to you. On the other hand, they're pretty spacey -- they might not have even heard him or realized he was talking to them. "I hate them," says SIL David. You know, the Weavers do strike me as having a socially unskilled, weird vibe to them. They really don't seem to relate to other people comfortably at all, unless it's by asking them if they know the Lord. In any event, SIL David chats with the Schroeders, describing the part where he got blown off, in his opinion. It's clear to me that there was already some dislike for this team among these other people, because there's not enough here to cause what's happening. Char, meanwhile, tells Stassi she thinks they're "silent but deadly." Heh. Too bad the Linzes weren't around for that one, because they would find it hilarious.