Amazing Race
I Don't Kiss, I Make Out!

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Miss Alli: C- | Grade It Now!
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Eenie, Meenie, Miney, Go

Stassi gives Hunter a little bit of shit about his shrimp-beheading abilities, promising to "demonstrate" the bad way he's doing it. "I'm going to demonstrate how to shut up," he laughs, in that "I think you need to tear the head off a shrimp" kind of way. Infantile, but awesome, is what I'm getting at. I kind of feel bad for Hunter. It feels like he's gotten the Family Screwup tag, and that's never fun. Char bitches about how she has to "put up with" the bickering, and both Stassi and Mark practically laugh in her face over how ridiculous it is to complain when she's usually right in the middle of it. Yep. Can't really complain like the beleaguered warden when you're wearing an inmate's clothes.

The Linzes start on their last crate. Tommy makes like he's seducing a shrimp, which would be funnier if…well, if he were funnier. And also, if it didn't seem very likely that he uses exactly the same moves on girls. Again, as part of your set of jokes, the shellfish-smooching might be okay, but when it all feels like you got it from Animal House, I get tired. The Godlewskis start on their last crate as well, and Sharon busts on Christine for trying to make a competition out of which pair of pinks is moving faster. Oh, killjoy. Bransens start their last crate. One of the Tonyas dryly remarks that they've "found their calling," and Wally makes the rather provocative remark, "If it's got a head, squeeze it." I really find that's only true up to a point. Another of the Tonyas wonders about "Bill and Tammy."

Speaking of whom, the Gaghans are on their way to the mud bog. And Carissa, predictably, is halfway out the window because she's watching so eagerly for…you know, anything. And in fact, she is the first to say, "I see an arrow!" And it's the arrow for the mud run. The Weavers remark that the "rugrats" have arrived (hi-LAR-ious), and Rebecca dismissively waves her hand, remarking, "They're city people." Yeah, stupid city people. Bill straps in, and Carissa suggests, "Let's go 120 miles per hour so we just go on top of the mud." Hee. And also: yes. But first, they will have to wait, because there are only two tracks, and they're both full at the moment. On their sixth attempt, the Weavers do a lot of screaming, but surprisingly, this does not lead to success, and they get stuck again. Sixth Aiello attempt? Same story. The Weavers comment that it's not "feasible," and they bail out of the Roadblock. Frankly, I don't think they submitted enough requests to Jesus, although the cause could also be inadequate shrieking.

Schroeders finish their shrimp. It tells them to head for the Charleston Visitor Center to sign up for a 3:00 PM or a 5:00 PM charter bus, both of which are going to a mystery location. Boy, there's a little artificial excitement for you. The people who are at the shrimp option are specifically instructed to get to the Visitor Center on foot. Linzes and Gadzookskis follow. The Paolos arrive at the shrimp Detour, and predictably, Mama gripes about the smell. It's really the most relatable thing she's done so far. Except, of course, for not liking DJ.

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Amazing Race

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