Amazing Race

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M. Giant: B | Grade It Now!
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Blow, Winds, Blow!

Brent and Caite hand off their collected clothes to the model. "This is going to be so hilarious when the dads get here," she says. What's even more hilarious is that the "dads" are wandering a farmer's market or something. She asks the model while she's changing, "Do you need my tiara to help you?" Sure, it's funny when she says it, but coming from anyone else, it's a U-Turning offense. Is "tiara," like, the beauty queen version of one of those words that when an outsider says it, it's totally offensive, but when the person it applies to uses it they own it and it becomes empowering? That's kind of good to know, because I'd hate to accidentally offend a beauty queen. Even though they are all completely horrible people who should die.

"That football stadium is hoooge," Jet says as their cab approaches. Inside, they soon find the Amazing Arrows and Flags leading them to the clue box, out on the edge of the field. So what kind of Detour is this? Well, believe it or not, it's another Road Block. "For the first time ever," Phil announces, "teams are facing two Road Blocks in the same leg of the race. But what they could never have predicted, is the person who sat out the first Road Block must do this one." Well, that part's actually less surprising than throwing two Road Blocks out there. While he's been talking, the camera's been swirling around him until it shows a section of the otherwise empty seats behind him, occupied by a solid block of a hundred or so locals, hidden behind a set of those stadium cards you see sometimes. The cards show a picture of a dragon, of course, because we're in China. They flip them, revealing some English text on the flip side that disappears into the description of the Road Block before we have time to read it. In that description, we first see an 8x10 painting of that same dragon, which is an example of the guide that the racer will have to use in assembling 96 cards into a full-sized version of the picture. Then they'll need to hand them out to the group of "spectators." If the puzzle is correctly assembled, when the spectators flip them, the other side will show the racer a section, row, and seat number where they'll find their next clue. And I guess if it's not correctly assembled, it'll just say something like "<|)_-'ˉ/^--(~.├⌐∩."

Cord is doing this one, clearly. "Oh, my gravy," he says, bent over a tall stack of cards on the outer track, facing a small crowd of locals chanting "Let's go, let's go" in the local language. Cord gets to work, and can tell this'll be tough. Watching from the sidelines, Jet says, "There may be places he's not as talented as other people, but he's always made it up in try. I'm definitely glad to have him as a teammate." Aw. Cord, however, has realized that he's working with an unwelcome partner of his own on this Road Block: a wind that seems to be whistling down through the large roof overhangs of the open-air stadium like breath over a beer bottle. Except the bottom of this beer bottle holds tiny little cardboard squares that a tiny little person is trying to lay out neatly in a specific pattern before they blow away. That person's going to need some beer after that.

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Amazing Race

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