As an onscreen graphic informs us that it's been an hour and fifteen minutes, he finally finds a board with the priest on it and says, "This might be worth delivering." He shows up at the mat, cheerfully saying, "Phil, old buddy old pal!" Phil says the board is correct, and John has the nerve to high-five Jessica, saying they can be proud of completing this leg. Uh, okay. I guess there are two other teams still in the race who never did complete the first leg, so that's something. On the other hand, a different team has completed two legs with three operational feet between them, so there's that. Phil tells them they're the last team to arrive, and John grins like an idiot even as Phil tells them they've been eliminated. "Nothing we can do about that!" John chirps, his smile barely fading. Phil points out that they're the first team to have been eliminated with an Express Pass on the mat. "I guess that's notable," John allows, but says he sees no point in looking back and regretting decisions he can no longer control. "Really?" Phil asks in mild surprise, sounding for all the world like that guy in the commercials who does focus groups with kindergartners. "The simple truth is I don't need a million dollars," John blusters, which I don't remember him ever having said before. Jessica is less sanguine, saying that they made a huge mistake that it's going to be hard to get over. "I'm feeling just a big huge letdown," she says. And John leads her away for the walk of shame, not that he's feeling any at all. And then Phil shrugs directly at the camera, letting out a puzzled -- and now semi-famous -- "Oy vey." Indeed, Phil. Indeed. The good news is that I think Jessica is very likely to stop agitating for a marriage proposal from John now.

M. Giant is a Minneapolis-based writer with a wife, a son, and a number of cats that seems to have settled at around two. Learn waaaay too much about him at Velcrometer, follow him on Twitter, or just e-mail him at M.Giant[at]gmail.com.

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