Amazing Race
I Love Monkeys!

Episode Report Card
M. Giant: A- | 1 USERS: C
YOU GRADE IT
Sequesterville Express

And then the sun literally goes down while she continues to wait for John. Eventually he returns to her in the dark, winded and empty-handed, saying he wants to go down to the Pit Stop to look at the other boards, since he didn't find anything at the shop. "I want to be smart," he explains. A bit late for that, Sparky. "I believe there's one other person here," he says, with no possible evidence for that assertion whatsoever. While Phil and the greeter watch from down at the mat, wondering what the hell is going on with him already, Jessica says that everyone has already checked in. "Oh, well, that's obviously disappointing," John says, totally undeterred and goes back to the shop. Jessica says she doesn't really understand his technique, but guesses maybe he figures that it's not over till it's over. Yeah, if there was just a Pit Keep Going at the end of the previous leg, I'm pretty sure it's over. Eventually, using his headlamp, John finds a board that has a sticker of what he calls "beach culture." It's almost full dark when he gets to the platform with it and Jessica, and Phil tells him it's not correct. "I want to look at these boards," John says, making a move toward the rack of boards behind the greeter that have already been turned in. "You're not allowed to look at those boards," Phil tells him flatly. I'm kind of curious what would happen if John forced the issue. Like, is the greeter also Phil's muscle? Fortunately, it doesn't come to that. John returns to the search, and Jessica talks about how they never even got to use their Express Pass. Oh, you got to, you just didn't. Back at the shop, John says, "I don't understand how utilizing the Express Pass would benefit me at this point." Not at this point, no.

As an onscreen graphic informs us that it's been an hour and fifteen minutes, he finally finds a board with the priest on it and says, "This might be worth delivering." He shows up at the mat, cheerfully saying, "Phil, old buddy old pal!" Phil says the board is correct, and John has the nerve to high-five Jessica, saying they can be proud of completing this leg. Uh, okay. I guess there are two other teams still in the race who never did complete the first leg, so that's something. On the other hand, a different team has completed two legs with three operational feet between them, so there's that. Phil tells them they're the last team to arrive, and John grins like an idiot even as Phil tells them they've been eliminated. "Nothing we can do about that!" John chirps, his smile barely fading. Phil points out that they're the first team to have been eliminated with an Express Pass on the mat. "I guess that's notable," John allows, but says he sees no point in looking back and regretting decisions he can no longer control. "Really?" Phil asks in mild surprise, sounding for all the world like that guy in the commercials who does focus groups with kindergartners. "The simple truth is I don't need a million dollars," John blusters, which I don't remember him ever having said before. Jessica is less sanguine, saying that they made a huge mistake that it's going to be hard to get over. "I'm feeling just a big huge letdown," she says. And John leads her away for the walk of shame, not that he's feeling any at all. And then Phil shrugs directly at the camera, letting out a puzzled -- and now semi-famous -- "Oy vey." Indeed, Phil. Indeed. The good news is that I think Jessica is very likely to stop agitating for a marriage proposal from John now.

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Amazing Race

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