Amazing Race
I Need Hair to Be Pretty

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M. Giant: B- | Grade It Now!
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Slow Forward

Other Rachel and Dave get to the matting store, and Dave will be taking this one. When Art and JJ show up shortly thereafter, Art's in. Other Rachel remarks to Vanessa about how good Dave looks in his skirt. "Actually, Ralph is one of my few boyfriends that have not cross-dressed," Vanessa volunteers. As I've said before about Vanessa, she may or may not be kidding.

Bopper and Mark haven't even left their hotel room, and still have "One Hour Before Pit Start." Mark assures us that he's 100 percent, and has "drunk enough water to float a battleship." They're not going to quit, in other words. "We're gonna win this race," Mark insists. Okay, well, good luck with that.

To emphasize Team Kentucky's chances of winning the race, we cut from where they have yet to start the leg, back to the three teams already doing the Roadblock. Ralph says it's harder than it looks, as he compares his instructor's smooth technique and results to his own frayed product, which keeps snapping and slowing him down. I don't get how they're doing this at all, to be honest. It's like the harp-stringing task earlier in the season; if the work is so close and detailed and fiddly-fingered, should it even be on TV?

Brendon and Rachel get to the Roadblock and Rachel announces, "It's a Roadblock, you have to do it." Has she done the maximum already, or is she simply issuing more papal bull? Their arrival is a bit of a surprise to the other teams, to say the least. While Brendon gets prepped, JJ asks Rachel why they didn't do the Fast Forward. Rachel doesn't want to talk about it. JJ shakes his head in disgust, like it has anything to do with him. Then he explains to us, "[if] Bopper and Mark get that Fast Forward, then we're looking at fighting for the last spot." It's all about JJ, isn't it. Besides, aren't you planning to win this leg anyway, Mr. Competitive? If you're so worried, send Vanessa and Ralph after it.

Meanwhile, at the task at hand, ropes in progress are snapping all over, so this Roadblock looks like it would be a good one to skip anyway. Rachel explains to us that she can't shave her head. "I know another girl in another season did it," she says without benefit of having seen the flashback to Uchenna and Joyce, "but she was really cute and skinny and pretty, and I need hair to be pretty." So don't invest so much of yourself in your looks, then, Shallow Gal. Sure, other people do it, but those people are generally better-looking. On the other hand, people who don't generally have more intelligence or better personalities, so I guess Rachel is stuck either way. Meanwhile, off to the side, JJ is engaging in his favorite pastime of ranting about shit that doesn't affect him. "Does anybody play the game strategically? Does anybody have a clue what's going on?" Rachel says she feels bad enough about her nose that Vanessa pointed out (and which is among the least of her flaws, if you ask me) without having no hair on top of it. JJ just continues ranting about how nobody thinks for one second.

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Amazing Race

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