Amazing Race
I Told You Less Martinis And More Cardio

Episode Report Card
Miss Alli: B+ | Grade It Now!
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When Guido Met Mirna

Anyway, Kevin and Drew are fraternity brothers and best friends and such, just like they were before. Kevin points out that they're both married, and Kevin claims that he used to be a circle, and now he's an oval. For a minute, I think he's suggesting he's gotten taller, which: he wishes, but I guess he's an oval in the other direction? Yeah, way to describe with precision, "favorite."

And now, Rob and Amber. (PBS: 0, because they are precisely and exactly as seen on television in every way, including and especially in that he muttered to me that "all the hate-ahs are secretly love-ahs.") Bleh, bleh, BLEH. I enjoyed him enormously when he was foiling Lex all greenback-stacky, but unless he's bringing Lex on the race with him, I just don't know. If you've watched their poker show in Vegas, you know how bad it is. And by "how bad," I mean "real, real bad, like My Mother The Car bad." Amber proudly says they've been married "over a year and a half." What could go wrong? They're halfway to rocking together in the nursing home when they're ninety. Rob says they came in second last time, and now they have a "whole new bag of tricks," by which he means a "whole new bag of annoying internet controversies to unleash," which is great news, because all the moderat-ahs are secretly self-flagellat-ahs. Amber makes some comment about how the other teams will be copying their old tricks, and they'll be on to new tricks. Rob points out that he's turned her into kind of an obnoxious ass, which is kind of true, so... congratulations? I guess bonding is bonding.

Uchenna and Joyce (PBS: +2) still haven't had a baby, and they're still having marital problems, and I'd really like to be sympathetic, except that of all the winners who could have been invited, I do not understand their presence. They're very nice people, but the fact that they're still using the "we're growing apart" thing as their hook a couple of years later sort of makes me cringe. I don't particularly like watching troubled marriages anyway, and they pulled a whole lot of "we proved that wonderful people can win lots of money" nonsense after that victory, which soured the ending a little. Incidentally, Joyce has decided to keep her hair closely cut, apparently having liked the part where she shaved her head and everybody was like, "Wow, she makes a great bald lady!"

Dustin and Kandice (PBS: 0; never met 'em). Yeah, I know. You, like me, feel like you just were watching them five minutes ago. I feel you. Kandice says the teams this time are "out for blood." Dustin supposes it's like "racing against your teachers," since these people have all done the race before. SO HAVE YOU, dummy. I'm so unhappy they were cast. So very, very unhappy. To me, because of how recently they were on and how very, very much camera time they had from the very first episode, this is just a waste of a spot. They haven't grown or changed, they don't want or need redemption, I don't feel like I could learn any more about them unless they let me sit in on their dental work, I don't see any appeal in their blandly arrogant Everyone Underestimates Me Boo Hoo It's So Hard To Be Born Beautiful personalities, and watching their scenes in this show is like watching tapes of their scenes in TAR10. I do not approve.

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Amazing Race

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