Amazing Race
I Told You Less Martinis And More Cardio

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Miss Alli: B+ | Grade It Now!
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When Guido Met Mirna

Joe and Bill (PBS: +8) are life partners. And Joe has snazzy new Hair Of A Certain Age, which I do not dislike at all. ["Seriously. Well done, Joe." -- Joe R] He sort of looks like Uncle Clooney. We get the obligatory shot of Guido the dog (PBS: +12), who is their namesake. I have to tell you, if you've never experienced these men other than as snazzy villains, you are missing out, because they are delightful. And I have to say that, or they'll tell you about the time Bill got me snookered on white wine and I wound up making perhaps the biggest dink out of myself that one can make without being arrested, which involved being informed later that I had done some ass-smacking I did not even remember. And Bill didn't torture me or make fun of me (to my face) or anything. I just feel that you should know that this history exists, because I do not want to receive email later that tells me that you have discerned that I personally like Bill and Joe, because: whatever. I personally like Bill and Joe. I also have a really funny story involving Bill, Esquire Rob, and the whispered words "the king has arrived," but I'll save that for later in the season, for those of you who haven't heard it.

From the sublime to the ridiculous, we now arrive at Charla and Mirna (PBS: +2; Mirna was nice, and we had cake together), who are cousins. Charla is a little person, for those of you who live in bunkers and don't watch any pop-culture shows on VH1. Charla explains that since she was on the show, she's become a huge star and people pay attention to her everywhere she goes. And I believe that. They frolic in the leaves and run on the beach together, and Charla does a cartwheel. For some reason, all their background footage always looks like they're in love in a montage. Even the shot they used to have where Charla carried Mirna on her shoulders. And... I know I'm a bad person, but I still really, really don't like them. I dislike them two points less than I used to, because of the cake, but still. Mirna claims they're "going to win this time," and then she laughs along with the rest of America.

David and Mary (PBS: 0), a/k/a "Coalminer And Wife." Maybe the worst team caption of all time. He has a job; she is "Wife." They can't be "Married Parents." No: "Coalminer And Wife." Dave tells us that Mary is "more confident" since the race. Mary says that she doesn't intend on making any idiotic alliances this time. Alliances only will be adopted if they are beneficial. That would certainly be an improvement, considering that her last alliance seemed to depend on everyone's lack of gumption, and the only team to survive it was the team that ultimately decided to ditch it. Mary insists that furthermore, she can win without having it handed to her, and... I don't think that's so, but it's probably unrealistic for her to plan on having it handed it to her in this environment. Bill and Joe > Erwin and Godwin, and you're going to want to learn that real quick.

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Amazing Race

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