Amazing Race

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M. Giant: B+ | Grade It Now!
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Cab Fair

Seeing them go by, Chad whines, "Stephanie, please." She says she's trying to focus (translation: shut your yap), and her next shot succeeds. They get their clue in last place, and Chad wants to just run straight in and abandon their bags with their cab driver. "I'm just gonna follow your lead. I'm tired as hell," Stephanie pants. Which may be the secret to why she's still with him. Inside, Michael and Kevin are wandering around looking for a bastion. Chad begs Stephanie to hurry, and after the obligatory mat-approach shot, the second-to-last team is... Chad and Stephanie. Phil looks at them and remarks, "I notice that you've turned up without your backpacks. Have you paid your cab?" Chad sys they haven't, and Phil tells them to go take care of that before he can check them in, clearly disappointed that he has to deal with such idiots.

And here are Michael and Kevin, who smile hopefully at Phil until he tells them, "You guys broke a couple of rules." "We did?" Kevin gasps. Phil reminds them about the taxi that led them to the tower, and then the taxi they took from the Tower to the Church on Spilled Blood, both of which were forbidden. Two penalties at 30 minutes apiece means they'll be waiting an hour before they can check in. Yeah, they're not going to recover from that. They go back down and sit on some steps to wait, but unless Chad and Stephanie spend a whole lot of time chatting with their cabbie, they're not waiting for anything but Philimination. You know that clock that appears onscreen whenever someone has a penalty to wait out? It's not even bothering to show up for this. "Call me when there's some suspense," it says, and bops itself on the snooze button.

Chad tells Stephanie, "Maybe we should hustle. We might still be in it. I mean, anything can happen." That's some high-octane optimism right there, but the hell of it is that it's not unfounded. They get their backpacks from the driver on the street, pay him off, and head back inside. Meanwhile, Michael and Kevin are still sitting on the steps. Kevin has just reread the part of the clue that states, "you must walk to your next destination." "I didn't see that," Kevin groans. "You didn't read it," Michael chuckles. Again, Michael laughs at everything, but I can't help thinking he's got to be a little amused that in the end it's come down not to his physical infirmities but Kevin's failure to RTFC.

Chad and Stephanie arrive at the mat, already thinking they're in last place when Phil asks them if they know they broke a rule. Right, remember that taxi from the tower to the Church on Spilled Blood? Chad was being such a condescending ass during that ride that I forgot it was also against the rules. So that's a 30-minute penalty for them. But then, in the same grave tone of voice, he adds, "Michael and Kevin, they're waiting out a one-hour penalty, which means that you are officially team number six, and you are still in the race." So it ended up being not about who raced the fastest but who broke the fewest rules. Chad and Stephanie hug and cry, and Stephanie says, "I thought I lost it for us today." She interviews that Chad was great and supportive during this leg. By Chad standards, maybe, but the fact that that's good enough for her proves that her real talents lie not in music or even teamwork but in denial.

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Amazing Race

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