Amazing Race
I Wasn't Even Going To Touch You Until You Slammed My Head Backwards!

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Don't Bite on the Beethoven

When Kelly and Jon arrive, Kelly wants to carry the music because it's so much lighter, not realizing that there obviously is a disadvantage to the music, because otherwise a Detour would be a choice between two tasks, one of which has pros and one of which has cons. Jon voices over, "Like she was ever going to carry the bass anyway," which is on the one hand assy, and on the other hand true. As they walk, Kelly's pretty sure she knows where they're going (the "Beethoven Memorial"), but she says "Jon's just doubting everything." He wants to stop and look at a map; she wants to yell at him. He looks; she fumes. They encounter exactly the problem of which the clue warned: this house is obscure, and even locals they approach for help don't know what they're talking about.

Back at the palace, David and Jeff ("whoooo?") join up with Russell and Cindy (eeewwww) in carrying the bass.

Jon and Kelly are having trouble figuring out where to go, and Jon comes up with the following interesting theory. "Kelly, what if there's a few places where he wrote music?" "Are you retarded?" she responds. "How many Beethovens in the world do you think there are?" Well, that's one "idiot" and one "retarded" in situations where Kelly was wrong, so...that's gotta hurt. The Clarinet of Ironically Misguided Condescension tootles.

Josh and DadSteve -- having lost out on the carriages and been slow to the palace, I guess -- have diagnosed themselves with a bad case of Last Place and have decided to attempt the Fast Forward. They have decided, in other words, that the moment is upon them in which it is most advantageous to go for it. In this week's Fast Forward, the team has to find a ballroom at the palace and put on "formal attire." Then they have to carry a tray of full champagne glasses across a room full of waltzing couples without spilling any. Excellent. One of the best Fast Forwards ever. I only wish more than one team had attempted it.

Elsewhere, the suddenly hapless Jon and Kelly are on a train, asking whether anyone knows where the Beethoven Memorial is.

Yet elsewhere, AirSteve and Dave are on their carriage, saying that they're in last place and can't do much about it at this point. "There's nothing we can do to make our horses go any faster," AirSteve explains, and then laughs. "Except perhaps get out." Hee. When they get to the clue box, they read the Detour clue that says that "each house is between five and fifteen miles away," and they start laughing in that we're-so-doomed way.

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Amazing Race

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