Amazing Race
I Wasn't Even Going To Touch You Until You Slammed My Head Backwards!

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Miss Alli: A | Grade It Now!
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Don't Bite on the Beethoven

At 5:20 AM, Chip and Reichen take off. In one of those great moments when you realize that a guy has no concept whatsoever how he's going to come across, Reichen says that people think they're arrogant, but they're really not arrogant: "We don't want to come across arrogant, we just think we're going to win." While technically, he's right that you can be confident of your ability to win without being arrogant, the way he says it sounds completely...uh, arrogant. Plus, we already know they're annoying and self-righteous from other things, so his argument is sort of going nowhere. At least with me. Shut up, Chipsters.

5:21 AM. Jon and Kelly. Those certainly are some reflective sneakers they have on. Somehow, I'm not sure you need to guard against being hit by a car that doesn't see you when you're being constantly followed by four-thousand-watt TV lights and a camera, but I guess there's no harm in the old "safety first" attitude. Kelly voices over as she and Jon leave that she was originally in the race for Jon, but now she's in it for herself. She says that she's sick of being "2% of this team," and she wants to be 50%. She takes the position that the race is a good opportunity for Jon to learn that the marriage will have to be fifty-fifty. I would actually think that you wouldn't want to decide to marry the guy until you were confident that he got the fifty-fifty thing. That would be on my list of Things To Do Before Getting Engaged. But, you know, I have been known to play it conservative.

5:22 AM. Tian and Jaree. They mention that the teams are getting get $480 for the leg. Perhaps one of the tasks will be shopping for electronic equipment. As they climb the steps away from the boat, Tian voices over that she and Jaree are not getting along very well right now because of the race. I would say they're not getting along very well right now because Tian keeps acting like the most disappointed mother at the Miss Teen Florida pageant, but I could be wrong. Tian says that she feels that she's making sacrifices and Jaree isn't. This is the opening of what will be Tian's theme for the entire leg, which is Look How Bad My Partner Sucks The Bag. Jaree voices over that Tian blames her for everything bad that happens, and that while Tian may be in better shape, Jaree is "giving it [her] best."

5:23 AM. David and Jeff. (Who?) David explains that he and Jeff have been friends for "about seven and a half years." Wait, who uses half years in talking about adult friendships? The only people who use half years are children under eight when they tell you how old they are. David says that they're getting along great, and then they start running, but I miss the rest of their scene, because I've passed out from ennui. I think Jeff says something really perceptive about how he and David are trying not to get eliminated. Seriously, Rob and Brennan were acrobat-comedian- magician-contortionist-tapdancers compared to these guys. The other thing I think is funny is that Jeff and David were apparently supposed to be the hotties or something, and they are such complete dweebs I cannot tell you. Look at David, running down the alley in his black sweatpants and white sneakers! He is your seventh-grade gym teacher! You will climb the rope! You will take the Presidential Fitness Test! You will take showers in public! Eesh.

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Amazing Race

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