Amazing Race
I Wasn't Even Going To Touch You Until You Slammed My Head Backwards!

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Miss Alli: A | Grade It Now!
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Don't Bite on the Beethoven

5:31 AM. Monica and Sheree. Hash! Rehash! Monica says that she and Sheree are both married to professional athletes, and that for this reason, they understand that "it's not over till its over." I think there are other professions and experiences that might teach you perseverance other than professional sports, but I suppose I see her point. Contract negotiations alone require great focus and determination. Very tense music takes us out of this weird remember-the-teams sequence at long last. Because I actually already remembered the teams. But thanks.

Kelly and Jon are the first to get to what is apparently the Venice train station, but when they go to look for a train to Vienna, they don't see one. Tian and Jaree are close behind, and Jaree mutters breathlessly that everybody who lives in Venice "must be in great shape." Heh. I might point out that Jaree is a nice lesson for the numerous morons who think you can judge whether somebody is in shape or not by looking at them. Just a sidebar. Reichen and Chip are close behind, followed by David and Jeff (who?). (By the way, if at all possible, you should hear that "who?" in your head just the way Djb said it on VH1's recent 25 Greatest Rock Star Cameos, because until you have heard him explain about "Jermaine whooooo?" and "Jackson whaaaaat?," you simply have not lived. Especially since he used improvised hand puppets. Oh, yes, I'm serious.)

Tian and Jaree are first to storm the ticket counter and learn that the first train that goes to Vienna doesn't leave until 1:15 PM. That's about seven hours away, for those of you keeping score at home. Reichen then repeats this to Chip as if Chip is a particularly stupid child, and says that they "need to find a different way" to get to Vienna. The Pectoral College reunites and they ask a local whether there's a faster way to get to Vienna, and said local explains that there is: you take a train to Verona, via Innsbruck. Aw, Innsbruck! Of course, the last time teams were directed to Innsbruck, it was by that godawful puppet, so they should be glad the local guy didn't swing his cheerful hat around in circles. Damn puppet.

Elsewhere, Millie and Chuck are traveling with the clowns on the way to the train station. They finally arrive, followed by Josh and DadSteve and Russell and Cindy, and finally by Monica and Sheree. As Monica and Sheree meet up with Chip and Reichen, Monica voices over that they can all relate to each other because they're the "minorities." Hmm, seems like a rather dubious basis for an alliance to me.

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Amazing Race

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