Amazing Race
I Wasn't Even Going To Touch You Until You Slammed My Head Backwards!

Episode Report Card
Miss Alli: A | Grade It Now!
Don't Bite on the Beethoven

Millie yells for Chuck, and when he reaches her, he discovers that she's having an asthma attack. Chuck offers her a suck off her inhaler as she voices over that she sometimes gets asthma with exercise. I'm interested in how the hell she did the mountain thing on the first leg, actually, because it seems to me that running all over an icy mountain makes jogging to the train station look like quite the leisurely stroll. At any rate, as Millie is having her attack, other teams are running for the train, because it's just about time for it to leave. Chip explains, in fact, that the Pectoral College helped Monica and Sheree make it to the train. So apparently, Chip and Reichen are serving as the bridge that warmly connects the NFL wives and the most boring men in the history of ever. Actually, if you mixed professional athletes and bland surfer dudes, Chip and Reichen are just about what you get, so that theory may not be as ridiculously far-off as it initially seems.

In the train station, however, Millie's attack continues. ClownJon helps relieve her of her bag, while Chuck continues to take care of her. She can't talk, but she mouths to Chuck to take her shirt off, and even in the middle of this really tense moment, you can't really help chuckling at that one just a little bit. Let's all go to hell together. I'll drive. Al and Jon each take an arm as Chuck peels Millie's fleece off, and we see that as this is happening, the lead teams are getting on the train to Verona. I would point out that Al and Jon were dolls to stay with her, but they really shortchange DadSteve and Josh, who are also there and also seem to have deliberately stayed behind. You can only see flashes of them, but they're there, too.

Kelly and Jon, Tian and Jaree, the Pectoral College, and Monica and Sheree get on the train to Verona.

Millie continues to suck. On her inhaler, you sicko! Grow up.

On the train, Tian is riding Jaree again about having too much stuff in her pack. It astounds me that they could be having this argument, because it seems to me that collaborative packing would be one of the things you would do before you leave. How can you not have talked all the way through this, and run around with your packs on for a while before you left, to make sure they're not too heavy? When Jaree won't do what Tian wants and throw stuff out, Tian tells Jaree to "quit, then," and Jaree -- not wanting to stand around and fight -- goes to sit elsewhere on the train and get some space, which is a very smart move. Tian, however, cannot let it go, and actually gets up and follows Jaree to where she's retreated. Jaree is sitting next to Kelly, actually, which I think is funny because Kelly hasn't exactly been their best friend. Tian comes and berates Jaree some more about the pack, until Jaree finally literally puts her fingers in her ears. Normally, that's a very immature move to say the least, but when somebody literally follows you around haranguing you, there's not a lot you can do. To me, that scene has nothing to do with whether Jaree is slow, and nothing to do with whether her pack is too heavy. It has to do with how you treat people, and that's just an obnoxious, disrespectful way to talk to somebody who's supposed to be your partner or your friend. When you can make me root for the girl with her fingers in her ears who's going, "La la la," you're over the line. The Venice to Verona train, for better or for worse, is on its way.

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Amazing Race




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