Amazing Race
If They're Screwing The Helmet To My Head, It Can't Be Good

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Miss Alli: B+ | Grade It Now!
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Barbarians at Hell's Gate

Now entering Rotorua are Colin and Christie. He stares intently ahead, talking about how they have to look for the Museum of Art and History. Not far away are Brandon and Nicole, also looking for the museum. When Colin and Christie find it, they run into the Yield box right off the bat. Phil explains all about the Yield again, while wearing some really goofy jeans that have been through too much self-conscious bleach-distressing. I mean, I'm assuming that's the result of bleach-distressing, because I don't think Phil slides around on the fronts of his thighs quite that much unless he's invented some kind of direct-contact snowless belly-first grass luge or something. Which I wouldn't put past him, actually. Anyway, after theoretically considering it, Colin and Christie step to the box and don't Yield anyone. And then Colin throws a thumbs-up. Dork. "We're not going to Yield someone to try to screw them over," Christie says happily. Nope. They're all about honor. They still want to win the old-fashioned way -- by getting arrested. When they pull the clue, it's this week's Detour, which offers a choice between Clean and Dirty. (I think Phil should say "Dirty" a lot more often, speaking solely for myself.) In Clean, you drive 13 miles to a whitewater area, where you'll go with a guide to travel a one-mile whitewater course with only a little boogie board to hang on to. I'm sorry, it's a "sledge." This would be known as your Reckless task. In Dirty, you go to a mud pool at a place called Hell's Gate and search for buried clues. This would be your Chicken task. The mud will be hot and steamy and gross, which isn't really a good thing unless you're at a spa, so there's also an added Embrace the Ick/Avoid the Ick Factor in this Detour.

Unsurprisingly, Colin and Christie go for the Clean option. Colin says that he thinks it will be "very, very fun." Because of all the things that are intense about Colin, the least intense thing about him is definitely his vocabulary. As they go, Christie asks him if he's going the right way. "Yes," he says impatiently. "I swear to God." But when he tells her what road they're coming up to, she says in a measured tone, "Yeah. We're going the wrong way." Rather than take her word for it, he insists on looking at the map while driving, and takes it from her. As he looks, she points out that as he is undoubtedly seeing, he really does need to turn around. He ultimately agrees, but as he gets turned around, he's unhappy that she's pouting a bit. "Are you even the least bit excited about whitewater sledging?" he asks, trying to keep her from talking about what she's actually unhappy about. Nothing doing. Christie: "I'm frustrated, because you won't listen to me when I tell you how to go on a map. And that's called trusting me. And you're not doing it." And that's not even called trusting her. It's just called not being a total control freak. "Okay, I apologize, I'm sorry. I should have just turned around," he says. While some people saw that apology as sarcastic, I didn't see it as sarcastic at all. I did see it as grudging and obligatory, which is bad, but different. ["I saw it as 'absent-mindedly responding while driving on an unfamiliar side of the road,' myself…reluctant as I am to defend him." -- Sars] She talks unconvincingly in a voice-over about how she thinks their relationship is "growing," but acknowledges that sometimes "one or the other" (by which she means Colin) "is not willing to take the higher road." "I stand corrected. I'm wrong, you're right," he says. As I said, I didn't take that as sarcastic, just perfunctory and thus something less than genuine. I realize that falls short of a ringing endorsement.

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Amazing Race

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