Amazing Race
If They're Screwing The Helmet To My Head, It Can't Be Good

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Miss Alli: B+ | Grade It Now!
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Barbarians at Hell's Gate

Brandon and Nicole, meanwhile, are making their way to the Dirty Detour. They find the marked mud pool and wade in. It's not brown, thick mud -- it's that gray, clay mud. Nicole almost immediately notes that her feet are stuck, but then she comes up with the observation that it's "kind of cool." Heh. It's early.

Colin and Christie are sledging like crazy. Woooooo! As Christie explains in a voiceover, it's fun at first, very whimsical, like something out of a water park. At one point, she does lose her grip on the sledge and it pops over upside down, but she gets it turned over again. Suspenseful!

Not so suspenseful? Brandon and Nicole, at the mud pool. In addition to Reckless/Chicken, this Detour is Riveting/Plodding.

As Colin and Christie get toward the late part of the ride, their guides pull them over to explain that they're about to go over a big falls. A guide explains, in fact, that this is the highest sledging falls in the world. And then Colin hops in with his guide. A cymbal crashes as he goes over the falls and then emerges with his sledge from out of the foam.

Brandon and Nicole muck around in the...well, in the muck. "Goll-lee, Brandon, how unlucky are we?" Nicole remarks. They certainly are clean of mouth. I haven't seen that much "Goll-lee" since The Andy Griffith Show.

Christie heads over the big falls. The guide tells her to just cling to the sledge as tightly as she can. Colin yells at her that she can do it, and she hops into the water. She goes over the falls and disappears into the white foam. When she pops up, she has become separated from her sledge. (M. Giant, disappointed: "She had one job.") They actually try to create a suspenseful moment when her sledge appears before she does and you're supposed to wonder if she's dead, but honestly? I didn't wonder. She voices over that the race has made her realize all of the things she's capable of. Like tolerating assholes, for instance. Well, she doesn't say that, but in terms of transferable skills, I think that's the one she's really been working on. As Colin adds in a voice-over that Christie is "constantly amazing [him] on this race," we watch them run, and he's got his wetsuit all pulled down and his entire upper body hanging out. And he's really pumped, which I should like, considering my known history with shoulders, but...it's creepy on him. His arms look like sausage links -- albeit very big sausage links -- and the whole effect is just wrong. Maybe it really is what's on the inside that counts.

Nah.

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Amazing Race

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