Amazing Race
If They're Screwing The Helmet To My Head, It Can't Be Good

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Miss Alli: B+ | Grade It Now!
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Barbarians at Hell's Gate

Brandon and Nicole. Still in the mud. Brandon tells her that sometimes he thinks he's got one, and then it turns out that...he doesn't.

Colin and Christie pull into Matapara Farms by the big red and yellow flag. They get out and read a Roadblock clue that says, "Who's ready for a wild ride?" Phil shows up to explain to us that "in this Roadblock, that person has to work with an unusual device that New Zealanders use for...well, basically, cheap thrills." Wow, if this show had a sex-o-meter, it would totally go "zoing!" every time Phil says "cheap thrills." It turns out to be a big inflatable ball called a zorb, which has a smaller compartment inside it that you can sit in, which in turn has water in it to keep you from getting scratched by plastic. So basically, you're sitting in water inside a giant plastic ball, which you have to start the task by inflating. Then you crawl inside, roll down a big hill, and work your way across the finish line by walking the zorb from the inside -- like, as Phil points out, "a hamster in a wheel." When they're done with the Roadblock, they'll jump out and run with their partners to the pit stop.

Colin takes the Roadblock, because it's studly, and so is he. Christie voices over that she "got the biggest kick out of Colin" (not literally) because he likes extreme sports, so this is the kind of thing he likes. Colin feels the need to show off his "high on life" thing again, so he does a back flip, which -- while it's technically successful, which is impressive, also barely lands him on his feet. I have to say, as a show-off maneuver, that kind of flopped. Back flips have to look effortless, or they look weak. Not fair, but true. Aaaand inside the zorb, Colin gives the devil horns, or Texas horns, or whatever that "Woooo!" thing is supposed to be with the index fingers and the pinkies. For someone who is so impressed with his own inherent sense of smolder, he is an enormous twerp sometimes. He rolls down the hill, getting tossed around inside the ball like clothes in a washer. In his voice-over, he calls it "like this moving water slide." Which doesn't look like it's an entirely bad description. They get to the bottom, and he walks it across the finish line. "Looks like a little hamster," she says, not realizing how that sounds. Or the numerous ways in which it's true. And then he does some more horns, and they run to the pit stop. Yawn, you are team number one, yawn, vacation, yawn, romantic Europe. Colin: "I would say the race has strengthened Christie and I's [sic] relationship." He says they're learning. Which I'm fairly sure is not true. I see no learning. Oh, and he says he would never be with anybody else. But it's totally not because nobody else would put up with his bullshit. Not at all. It's just because he's intense. EAT DRUMS! EAT DRUMS!

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Amazing Race

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