Amazing Race
If They're Screwing The Helmet To My Head, It Can't Be Good

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Miss Alli: B+ | Grade It Now!
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Barbarians at Hell's Gate

Brandon and Nicole are still back at the Hotel of Subsistence Racing, and now they're hitting up a couple of young women for money. Wisely, Brandon is doing the leg work. He tells them that asking for money "takes [him] out of his comfort zone." One of the girls hands over some money. I think she would be quite happy to take him out of his comfort zone. Chicka-bamp. "You guys are so sweet," Brandon semi-drawls. He and Nicole voice over that they've gotten their hands on some money, and hope they can get and keep themselves in the game. Boy, this money-grabbing thing has paid off big, provided that in terms of dramatic excitement, you think wheedling is the next best thing to a series of explosions followed by explicit sex.

The Incredible-Hulk/Booby-Cooper Alliance shows up at the Calcutta airport and heads inside. And hey, it sounds like they've brought their drum machines with them! Chicka-bocka chicka-bocka chicka-bocka! It's about 4:00 AM, and nothing is open yet, so Hulk/Booby chills for a while in the cozy confines of the airport. Elsewhere, back at the travel agency, Linda merrily chirps to the agent that she needs to make some arrangements. Whee! Yay! Planes! Travel agents! It's all so squeeeeeeeeak! She gets the same routine about going through Bangkok, and then the same routine about the lack of seats from Bangkok to Auckland. She asks whether the other teams booked all the way to New Zealand, and when the guy tells her they only booked as far as Bangkok, she immediately says that's fine, and she agrees to leave. Oy. You know, it's not like it made a huge difference in this particular case, but that is just not my favorite attitude. I dislike that assumption that as long as you're doing what everybody else did, you should stop worrying, because it's not possible that you might find a better option. She's right in this case that going to the airport is as good of a plan as any, but I'm not totally pleased that she makes that decision so easily. They head to the airport.

4:38 AM. The Twinkies. When they see that the flight is to New Zealand, they make identical little "Ohhhh" noises that call to mind the sound you would get if you pulled the strings on the backs of two identical talking bobblehead dolls at the same time. Karli voices over as they leave the mat and get in their cab that, because they're twins, they're too much alike, so the same things bother them. Like fractions. No, no, not really. She says that in order to move up, they'll need to "stay calm and get along with one another." And this time, remember that when you unfold that big map thing, the side you're supposed to be looking at is the side with the writing on it.

Linda and Karen arrive at the airport at what is reported to be about 5:00 AM. Meanwhile, at the travel agency, the Twinkies ask about tickets out of India. This time, when they get to the Bangkok-Auckland portion, the guy tells them that while there were no seats when the other teams were around, there are now some flights beginning to open up. One of them flashes her Sexual Gifts look. He talks not only about the Singapore Air flight that will arrive at 11:35 AM -- which apparently still doesn't have adequate seats -- but also a Qantas flight that will arrive at 2:35 PM. The Twinkies book their tickets on Qantas. It's a safe thing to do, because Qantas never crashed. Qantas definitely never crashed.

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Amazing Race

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