Amazing Race
If They're Screwing The Helmet To My Head, It Can't Be Good

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Barbarians at Hell's Gate

6:07 AM. Brandon and Nicole read the clue, which tells them that they will only need $45 for the leg. As they run from the mat, Brandon voices over that their near-Philimination made them determined "never to give up." He also thinks that they "need to support each other." Oh, and also "leave it in the Lord's hands." (The Lord: "Do I have to sing that Jewel song about how small My hands are? Because I really hate that song. I mean, if anyone would believe that 'in the end, only kindness matters,' it would be Me, and I assure you that I would never say that.")

The Twinkies arrive at the airport at 6:30 AM. They note that all the counters are still closed. Meanwhile, Brandon and Nicole are back at the travel agency, grabbing that Indian Airlines flight out of Calcutta to Bangkok. Brandon tries to work on the Bangkok-Auckland flight, but is told that actually, they need to haul ass to the airport if they want to make their flight, because you have to arrive at the Calcutta airport three hours before your flight. And you thought the Vegas airport was bad. (Seriously, the Vegas airport is insane with the lines. Although I did once make it all the way through security while preposterously drunk, certain the entire time that I was going to turn into a cautionary tale from an episode of Airline, looking at the ticket agent all, "You're not from the shhtreets!" But anyway.) With that information, they grab their tickets and scoot. As they get in the cab, Nicole wonders whether this will put them on the same flight as everyone else. On the way to the airport, Brandon taxi-views that booking from Bangkok to Auckland will be strategically critical. True, that.

Speaking of which, as the Moms and Twinkies check in for the Indian Airlines flight, Hulk/Booby goes directly to the Singapore Airlines office. When they all try to crowd inside, the nice lady tells them that this is too many people, and only one team can stay. Don't crowd the nice lady! Colin and Christie, probably because the alternative is pistols at dawn, get to stay, while Chip and Kim retreat out into the airport to track down the Singapore Airlines counter. When they do, it appears to be a race between the lady in the office and the person at the counter to snag whatever seats may have opened up on the Singapore Airlines flight. Both teams ride their ticket agents pretty hard, and in the end, Colin and Christie (yawwwwn) emerge from the battle with tickets, and by the time Chip and Kim's person gets into the system, there aren't tickets for them. Chip disbelievingly notes that Colin and Christie (yawwwwn) got the only available seats, and when Hulk/Booby meets up again, Chip shares this information with Colin. "From this point forward, Chip and I have to be more aggressive," Kim notes, feeling the screws beginning to tighten. Colin happily deja-interviews that he and Christie have the edge, as they are the only people who made it onto the Singapore Airlines flight getting in at 11:35 in the morning. "Way to work it," he notes to Christie, suddenly transformed into the dreaded boyfriend/personal trainer from Runaway Bride. She did appear to do most of the work on that part, and it's good to know he's capable of being appreciative. You know, occasionally.

The Twinkies head for a phone to work on their travel arrangements, trying to improve on their Qantas flight, unaware that if they don't fix it, it will put them behind Colin and Christie by about three hours. Chip and Kim, on the other hand, know just where they stand as they book a New Zealand Airlines flight landing at 11:55. (Again, the yellow letters say "PM," but that's clearly not right. I hate it when post-production pays less obsessive attention than I do.) Chip explains that this will put them 20 minutes behind "that doggone Colin and Christie." Heh. "Doggone." Brandon and Nicole come up behind Chip and Kim at the counter, and the teams exchange friendly greetings. Nicole asks the guy behind the counter when the flight arrives in New Zealand. "12:20, baby," Brandon says, gently insistent, as if she's not listening. "Air New Zealand arrives at 11:55," the guy answers. (Once AGAIN, the yellow letters incorrectly say "PM.") They stand back from the counter, and Nicole teases, "So you know it all, don't you?" Brandon looks embarrassed, and then makes a "blah blah blah" face that's kind of hard to explain, but I thought it was pretty cute and not at all malicious. The guy offers Nicole a printout, and she says to Brandon calmly, "No question is a stupid question. Didn't you ever go to Pre-K...kindergarten?" "You stayed there a few years, didn't you?" he banters back. She mock-smacks him. "Did that stick out because you were in Pre-K for three or four years?" he deadpans. "Three years? Or four years?" he persists. She picks up her hand. "I'm gonna backhand you, boy," she says. "You won't be able to model ever again in this town." (At which point I said to the assembled horde in M. Giant's living room, "Where, in...Calcutta?")

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Amazing Race

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