Amazing Race
If You're Gonna Whine, Just Shut Up!

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Miss Alli: B+ | Grade It Now!
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Only God Can Make A Brick

Previously on Dubai, Dubai Love: Colin decided to expand his horizons, adding "clashes with local law enforcement" to his vast array of mind-broadening cultural experiences in Tanzania. He wanted a "different kind of relationship," and Christie unfortunately missed the golden opportunity to tell him that if he wants blind obedience, he might consider the "kind of relationship" where the only thing the other party will ever expect from him is the faithful administering of heartworm medication. Nicole got snippy about the way Brandon handled the money, while Chip showed a little too much generosity to one taxi driver and wound up having to request mercy from another. Colin and Christie finished first again, and bringing up the rear? Oh, yeah. It was the Twinkies, who learned that while they wouldn't be eliminated, they would have their money Philched from their adorably inept little pockets, and would be forced to perform various feats of mercenary Twinkery in order to make it out of the next leg with their frequently displayed sports bras intact. Otherwise? It's UNDERSHIRTS for you, ladies! White, unisex UNDERSHIRTS! Will the Twinkies stay in it? And who will be eliminated...next?

Credits. Dear Bob and Joyce: That amount of protective gear is not flattering on anyone. Rollerblading or not. I know your doctor cares about your kneecaps and stuff, but I'm looking out for the aesthetics. You can thank me later.

Commercials. Oh, it's another men versus women season of Survivor? How great. If they find a way to bring back Rupert yet again, it really will be a season specifically designed to throw me into a deep depression from which it will take me months to recover.

We gently but insistently boogie our way back into Dubai, which Phil reminds us is "one of the most prosperous cities in the Arab world." And hey, look at that pretty and interesting hotel...um, again! There are a lot of pretty things in Dubai, but...did you get a load of that hotel? Parabolic! And outside the city, there is an oasis, which was the most recent pit stop. We are sadly deprived of eat-sleep-mingle footage in favor of another "This One Goes Out To All The Dumb-Asses" explanation of the fact that the Twinkies had to give up all their money at the end of the last leg, and will get no money for this leg. Remember? My favorite part is that one of the girls has a change purse with a giant "K" on it that she's using to carry money. They use monogrammed gear, you see, to help them keep track of whose stuff is whose. Wily! Phil wonders aloud whether they will beat this obstacle, or whether it will beat them. I think they should ask both the obstacle and the Twinkies to answer a series of elementary math and science questions. That might give you an idea of who has the edge. Not to make any predictions, but...I hear the obstacle can add three-digit numbers.

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Amazing Race

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