Amazing Race
I'm A Much Better Liar Than You Are

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Weeping and whaling

Commercials. If you really need a "lash architect," I think your eyelashes may be a little bit too much of a dominant feature on your face. Just a guess.

Teri and Ian harass their cab driver about how badly they need to get to the FF right away. Jill and John Vito are close behind. Asshat is first to get to the relevant rug shop with the yellow-and-red flag on the front. Apparently, Teri is too slow for Ian, because he yells, "Just trust me and jog!" Whatever, jackass. They look for the rug. "We've got to be looking. Using your eyes," he commands. Whatever, jackass. Unsurprisingly, he snaps at her while they turn rugs over. "You've got to wait for me!" Whatever, jackass. I am exhausted.

John Vito and Jill run at top speed down the street toward the rug shop. Man, I would hate to be their camera guy, because they run everywhere, or so it appears. The camera guys must end the season with giant leg muscles. JVJ makes it to the shop, where they join Asshat, and now it's a race for the rug, with both teams hunting.

Back in the desert, FloZach is heading for the Palmerie and the Detour. They get there just as Ken and Gerard are leaving. Hmm. FloZach's train arrived two hours after the BoB+F train, so if Ken and Gerard didn't bleed time between the train and the Detour, they apparently spent two hours at the Palmerie, which seems like substantially more than you'd think it would take, even with the Detour switch. Odd, that. The teams meet up just as Flo and Zach are grabbing their packs out of the back of the car. "It's a bitch!" Gerard says bitterly. He snags FloZach's driver to take himself and Gerard back to town (smart move!), and then he repeats to Flo, "It's a bitch." "What do you mean it's a bitch? What should I do!?" Flo whines to Kenny. "'What should I do?' You think I'm gonna tell you?" Kenny yells at her. Heh. "Kenny, I'm like four hours behind, you rat!" she whines back as he puts an arm around her. They chuckle, and then she and Zach head for the Detour as Ken and Gerard make for the cab. "Okay, bye Ken!" Flo yells in a surprisingly cheery fashion. "Bye, honey!" Kenny yells back with a warm grin. Aww. I have a feeling Flo really may not be all that bad when she's not in Learned Helplessness Mode. And that whiny voice may not be entirely her fault. It might be genetic. I'm prepared to leave the jury out on Flo at this point, much to my own surprise. But the jury is restless, and hasn't had lunch, and is still leaning toward a verdict that isn't very defense-friendly, if you know what I mean, and I'm pretty sure you do. The cabbie translates the clue for Ken and Gerard, and they take off for the café. FloZach take the bikes.

Rug shop. Rugs are thrown, rugs are searched, rugs are flipped over. And the winner is...Asshat. "Got it!" Teri yells. Moans of agony can be heard all across the land. Talk about the luck of the evil. JVJ takes off. "It's all right," Jill says. "Let's go, let's go, let's go." They leave. Sweaty Asshat celebrates their victory, while outside, Jill and John Vito take off in a cab. Jill says she would have liked to nab the FF, but she's still hopeful that it will all work out. Ian congratulates himself some more inside (you'll note that Teri, not he, found the FF in the end), and Teri reads the clue to the pit stop. Phil explains that the pit stop is at the Riad Catalina, which he calls a "guest house," and which looks to be a damn gorgeous place to stay, if you're ever in Morocco. Oh, and please invite me, because I never get to go anywhere.

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Amazing Race

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