Amazing Race
I'm Filthy And I Love It

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Miss Alli: B+ | Grade It Now!
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Sugar, sugar

5:36 AM. BJ and Tyler are leaving, but not before squealing to each other "Here we go!" and "Do it!" They clearly have a serious case of Robin Williams Disease, in which it is impossible not to be "on" for even one moment while a camera is running, and while that's charming for an hour-long standup special or a movie in which you play a professional nurturer, it is something I find impossibly tiresome in a race team. They run off the mat. And one of them says to Eric and Jeremy, "Let's go, muscles from Brussels!" That's...not funny, you know? There is no resemblance between either of those guys and Schwarzenegger, and that's what makes it shtick and not wit. It's not responsive to the situation. BJ and Tyler explain in voice-over that they have "both a competition and a brotherhood with Eric and Jeremy." Yes. The Brotherhood Of The Choad. Tyler tells us that while they're from "two different worlds," they "have a fundamental understanding of each other." See? They are the same guy. This is what I've been trying to tell you. The Choad Family gets into a pair of taxis.

5:45 AM. Wanda and Desiree. Desiree is wearing glasses, which stokes the demographic that already thinks she's hot to almost unbearable degrees of agitation. She explains in an interview that coming in strong in the first leg really made them much more confident, so that now, they know they're "true competitors." She says the boost will help them enormously. They grab a taxi.

5:49 AM. Dave and Lori. Dave says that the fact that they're in love is going to be "the glue" that helps them be successful. In one of those moments that completely cuts different ways for different people, they stand and give an interview in which he says, "She's my hottie boom-body with the naughty Pilates." Or thereabouts. What makes this adorable to me is that she is laughing in this way that declares that (1) she has heard him say this before; (2) she always cracks up and loves it; and (3) she cannot believe he's saying it on television, because it's so incredibly stupid. They get a cab.

Eric and Jeremy are in their taxi when they note the presence of a couple of prostitutes. Eric comments on the nice ass on one of them, and then Jeremy points out that it's a man. Of course, Jeremy thinks this is the most hilariously shocking thing EVAH!, and while I do always think it's a little amusing when Homosexual Panic Guy admires a man's ass, going after the overcompensation that these guys are displaying is so easy that it's not even that much fun. It's not like everyone doesn't wonder whether the smooth-chested guy who constantly tells you how much he loves the ladies does not, in fact, love the ladies, but even focusing on that gives them more credit than they deserve, in some vague way I can't even put my finger on. Like, if it's a closet, it's a closet they've moved into and will remain in for life, and the world's gay men are mostly like, "And STAY in there." The irony is that nobody's team really wants these guys. Sexually speaking, they're like an eBay auction with zero bids that's only going to last for another two minutes. Ahem.

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Amazing Race

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