Amazing Race
I'm Going To Jail

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Miss Alli: B- | Grade It Now!
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Officer, we're not with him

Elsewhere, now Linda really does get herself stuck. She spins the wheels, which, predictably, dig her farther and farther down into the sand. Linda rubs her forehead miserably as her wheels throw sand into the air. Man, I've had that day at work. Many times.

Commercials. Wait...we're all supposed to have Barbie anniversary parties now? Please. I can barely remember my own birthday anymore.

Back on the dunes, Linda is still spinning the wheels. They've realized that now, they're going to have to wait for the promised tow, which will undoubtedly slow them down, even though I don't think it's far back to the base at this point.

Meanwhile, Chip and Kim finally spot the flag they're supposed to be heading for, and they seem to get themselves pointed in the right direction at last. However, just as things are improving, Chip, too, digs himself into the sand.

The Twinkies prepare for their jump. Eeeeee! With any luck, they'll manage to continue traveling in a downward direction until they come to rest on the ground. This is probably the least likely to get lost that they've been all season.

Colin, meanwhile, is -- of course -- berating his camel wrangler for not being fast enough. With Brandon and Nicole hot on his tail, Colin says that he certainly would rather not be passed yet again on this leg. Both teams start to be rather obnoxious with their wranglers, which is just...I don't know. They're all so damn bossy. Obviously, Colin is the worst, but none of them are covering themselves in glory at the moment. Despite Colin being pushier, Brandon eventually gets his guy to put the camel in a trot, which is kind of cool. And Brandon thinks it's cool, which is fun.

And then, Phil is there, waiting at the pit stop, like a tall glass of cool New Zealandian water. (Incidentally, I like to use the phrase "New Zealandian" once per season in order to harvest emails from the people in New Zealand who think I'm so stupid that I don't realize that's not a phrase they would use. I'm a big fan of non-words, People From New Zealand, so step off.) Phil does that thing they try once a season where he points off the mat, as if demonstrating for the greeter, "Look! There's a team, arriving! But the camera is not showing who it is!" ["I always feel sort of bad for Phil having to point all Philrence of Philrabia like that." -- Sars] Aaaaand it's Colin and Christie, finishing up in first place, both as racers and as, in Colin's case, fuckin' assholes. They are welcomed and told of their first-place finish. Oh, and they've won a vacation to "the sunny Caribbean." Eh. Maybe Colin will get eaten by...whatever the Caribbean has that's carnivorous. Christie does a weird post-leg interview in which she talks about being stressed -- check! -- and being afraid of being in last place more than necessary -- check! -- and concludes with a breezy, "I should have never been angry at him." Ch -- wait, what? She should have never...oh, feh. How totally gross. They are not entertaining, they are just weird and bothersome.

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Amazing Race

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