Amazing Race
I'm Gonna Take His Girl

Episode Report Card
Miss Alli: B- | 1 USERS: A+
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There's nothing like a clean elephant

The AAlliance is having a little trouble finding where they need to be. Ha!

As Mary and Peach haul ass down the river, Peach takes a dive and lands on her face (on the raft, not in the water, at least). In an interview, Mary says that when the Fruit wiped out, Mary was afraid she'd just burst into tears and freak out, but she didn't. She just got up and kept going. Go, Fruit! Danny is not so lucky, and does fall in the water, but he gets back on the raft and gets going as well.

Ah, here's that AAlliance. They pick the boat, too. Incidentally, Chris is now wearing a dumb knit hat as well.

And now, the Thunk/Mary-Fruit boat race. Thunk is ahead, but Mary and the Fruit continue to gain. As they pull alongside, Peach yells, "This is a crucial moment! As women!" That's kind of dopey, but I liked it anyway. "We got passed by a couple of girls!" Gary yells after Mary and the Fruit pretty much blow right by them. You bet your ass, Woody.

The Teeth and Cha-Cha-Cha are rafting right together when suddenly Cha-Cha-Cha just grinds to a halt, evidently stuck on some kind of an obstruction in the river. As the Teeth speed away from them, Danny jumps off and drags the boat to freedom. "I think that I have a real butch bone in my body," he interviews. I'm not sure I think that move was all that butch, but, you know, okay.

And now, one of my favorite moments of the week: Tara and Wil are in last place. That's right, baby. LAST PLACE! They conk into a bridge. Hee. "Can I get up there and you get back here, 'cause you're weak," he creeps. In an interview, Tara explains that Wil had a little trouble with the law of physics stating that if you push on the boat from the right side, it's going to go left. By way of illustration, we see Wil run her right into a tree, at which point she tells him he's an idiot. Quite honestly, at this point, I just despise them both. "You're gonna learn one day that you can't take everything out on me," Wil bitches. I'm speechless, Wil, truly. You ASSHOLE. Oh, look -- I'm not speechless after all. "If the communication seems to be going the way it's going," Wil incomprehensibly interviews, "then we're going to lose." From your lips to God's ears, baby.

Commercials. Buy Propel "fitness water," because America's primary fitness issue is that the water we drink lacks vitamins.

More rowing. Mary and the Fruit land first; they park their boat, and Mary climbs up over the bank. She then reaches down, grabs the Fruit by the hand, and flings her up and over into the grass. It's very impressive, really. I would hate to be the mugger who picked on Mary. I think you'd find yourself hanging upside-down from a tree with your underwear stuffed down your throat. They find their spoon-fed transportation, which is an SUV with a clue leading them to Maeping Village. Phil explains that the village they're headed for serves as a "home for elephants that take part in local religious ceremonies." So it's like Elephant Camp. Excellent.

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Amazing Race

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