Amazing Race
I'm Gonna Take His Girl

Episode Report Card
Miss Alli: B- | 1 USERS: A+
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There's nothing like a clean elephant

At 5:50 AM, the train pulls into Chiang Mai. The teams de-train, and it's a mad, bad, hat-clad dash for taxis. The Teeth get out early, and Mary and the Fruit look to share a cab with Cha-Cha-Cha. In the shared Fruit-Cha cab, Oswald says, "If we're gonna go down, we're gonna go down in flames, baby!" Um, yep.

Thunk finds a cab, and the all-powerful, all-idiot Taraweasel/Boston crowd finally finds one. Once they're on the road, Thunk's driver floors it and zips right past the Adultery Alliance. The Adultery Alliance's driver sucks, which is excellent. I am highly amused. Next, Blake and Paige are handed off by one driver to another, while things have come to a screeching halt for the AAlliance. It sounds like the issue is directions, but Wil just keeps yelling, "Fast!" You're a big help, there, Weasel.

Over in the Thunk cab, Gary notes that this driver is the first one they've had in days to whom they have successfully conveyed the fact that they're in a hurry. I think it's more likely that this is the first one who's cared, but whatever. Fruit-Cha stops at a 7-Eleven (no, really, an actual 7-Eleven) to get some chips and, I would certainly hope, a Slurpee. Because if you leave a 7-Eleven without a Slurpee or a Big Gulp, they send the police. All I really see is that Oswald has some chips, so I hope he's enjoying them until his inevitable arrest.

The teams approach the famous Old Bridge just as it gets light. Chip stop notwithstanding, Cha-Fruit seem to be first to arrive, alongside Gary and Dave. They rip open the clue, and it's this week's Detour. In case you didn't realize that a Detour is a choice between two tasks, each with its own pros and cons, Phil is there to remind you. Thank you, Phil! This week, in "Boat or Beast," the teams have to decide whether to float a mile and a half downriver on a bamboo raft, which they have to steer with big long poles, or to ride elephants. Phil intimates that rafting takes skill, but that elephants are kind of slow, and we get a nice shot of Elmore the Elephant (Ernie's cousin), looking at the camera like, "Yeah, talk down to me, little host-man. I'll crack you open like a peanut."

Everybody picks the raft. Is it wrong that as Blake gets dirtier and scruffier, I come closer to understanding how, in a hypothetical universe, someone might find him hot? I am really a bad, bad person. Cha-Cha-Cha takes a few minutes to get untied, so as we start off, it's Gary and Dave, Mary and the Fruit, the Teeth, and Danny and Oswald, in that order. Mary and the Fruit kick butt at the rafting once they get the hang of it, and they start to gain ground on Thunk.

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Amazing Race

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