Amazing Race

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Cultural Ignorant Americans Make Little Benefit Glorious Nation of Kazakhstan

En route to the next clue, Toni and Dallas are hoping that Nick and Starr will win the Fast Forward, forcing Terence and Sarah to return to the race. Because Terence and Sarah are such a threat, with the zero legs they've won. Toni and Dallas make a quick stop for directions on a suburban-looking street, and basically get confirmation that they're already going the right way. I'm kind of surprised that the drivers don't already know where they're going. Don't I feel like an ass about making fun of Starr for worrying about that back in Cambodia? Not really.

Ken and Tina won the race to the crane trucks and get out ahead of the Frat Boys, who loudly remark, "I hope this driver knows where he's going." Andrew's bitter about being behind despite not getting out last. You'd think they'd be used to getting passed up all the time by now.

At the Fast Forward, Starr is struggling to choke her food down with liberal swallows from her water glass. Sarah interviews, "I think it was sheep's butt that we were eating. It was disgusting!" At the table, she encourages Terence to be tough. He hasn't even made a visible dent in his serving yet. He's probably wondering about his chances of excusing himself and returning with a dog to hide under the table.

Toni and Dallas arrive at the arch and disembark from their crane truck before climbing a steep footpath to where a pair of Mongol warriors await. "Please, please help us," Toni wheezes. Cut to a small band of warriors in period armor riding into a clearing. Toni and Dallas are beckoned to stand next to one of them, who bids them wait. But they don't have to wait long, because the Mongol at the far end of the clearing, about a hundred yards away, has a falcon on his arm. Toni and Dallas's warrior beckons the bird over, and it skims along the ground to land on his gloved arm, so he can take the rolled-up clue from its talons and hand it over. There's no reason for it other than that it looks cool, but it does meet that criteria easily. And after that majestic moment, things are about to get so random.

It's a Detour. The first choice is "Play Like Mad," in which teams have to go to the museum of folk musical instruments, learn how to play a tune on a couple of traditional Kazakh instruments (a kind of mouth harp and a stringed lute), and go to a nearby park to play for tips. After they've earned about a dollar and a half (maybe 180 Kazakhstan tenge, in other words), they'll get their next clue. I'm going to tell you right now that nobody will do this. That makes me a little sad, because you almost never see the race reward people with musical ability, which is one of my few talents. "Act Like Fools," the unanimous choice, requires them to go to the children's puppet theater, get into a two-person cow costume, and wander around the streets until they find a marked milk stall and drink a glass of moo juice. As you do. The instructions on the bottom of the glass will send them to a local bazaar, where they will have to "deliver themselves" to a butcher to get their next clue. That "deliver themselves" phrase would make me a little nervous, with its implication that teams will eventually arrive at the Pit Stop wrapped in neat little packages of white paper. As Toni and Dallas come down the hill, they meet Ken and Tina coming up. "Hello, warriors," Ken greets them, and Dallas warns them about the long, steep walk ahead of them.

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Amazing Race

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