Amazing Race

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M. Giant: A- | Grade It Now!

Brian and Ericka are already celebrating as they reach the mat, and are even happier to hear they're team number two. Sounds like a vindication of Brian's karma philosophy.

Sam finally gives in to Dan's whining, and they switch to the building task. He interviews afterward that he figured the Globetrotters would never be able to find a snowman alone. And then they find one about a second later. "That's how you be a man, baby!" Big Easy yells, as they run over to hand a tiny little bitty stuffed snowman to a waving cartoon polar bear. I thought I was doing it wrong. "Can't read it here 'cause my hands are too cold," Flight Time says when they get their clue. Is theirs in Braille?

Over where the brothers have joined the build group, they get the word from team Inside Straight that the Globetrotters are done and on their way. "Desert to the snow. Crazy," Flight Time remarks. They run into Mika and Canaan in the parking lot, and advise them to run back and get their coats. Canaan interviews about how the Globetrotters helped them out. And added onto their time, too.

Team Two Pair is struggling with the construction of their snowmen construction, but of course Gary and Matt, being from Montana, know all about snowman building (just as they do duck-herding, VCR-smashing, and scarf-spotting), and they do finish their snowman first. They're off to the Pit Stop in fourth place.

Mika and Canaan are doing Build, since Mika can't sled, either. Good call, Canaan, going on the Amazing Race with Adrian Monk.

Keri estimates that she and Lance are probably still ten minutes out.

Nutcracker music plays as the Globetrotters dance on the mat, Phil chuckling at one of them calling the other "Old Man." They're quite happy to be team number five. Another few legs, that's not going to cut it any more.

Mika and Canaan have joined the build group by the time Team Inside Straight has finished their snowman and gotten their clue. Canaan is saying, "Ain't no way I'm losing this race because of a snowman." Dan snaps at Sam, "Just put it in!" That's what she said. Or what he said, as the case may be. They complete their snowman to the guide's satisfaction, and get out in sixth. Canaan lets out another curse: "Shnikes!" They're the last ones there, so he's totally justified in bringing out the big guns.

Gary and Matt arrive and are team number four. Team Inside Straight is struggling with advanced concepts like west and east. Sam and Dan are asking a cabbie for directions. And Lance and Keri are finally getting to Ski Dubai.

The snowman judge loves Mika and Canaan's snowman, and he bows to her like he's in Asia as she hands him their clue. "We're screwed if Lance and Keri did the other one," he says as they take off in seventh place. Meanwhile, Lance and Keri, currently in last place, decide to build the snowman.

Sam and Dan reach the Pit Stop in fifth place. Team Inside Straight finds the place, locks their car, and runs up to the mat. Phil, never wanting to pass up a chance to fuck with these two, tells them, "Pick a number." Tiffany says six and Maria says five. "You guys are good with numbers," Phil says, informing then they're team number six. Congratulations to Phil for finding a way to give them a compliment, even if he did have to go pretty far out of his way to do it.

Lance and Keri's snowman is getting tall, and Canaan is hiring a cabbie to lead them to the Souk. This is not exactly a suspenseful ending, as much as Canaan talks about Lance not giving up. And to be fair, he isn't, but Team Nashville has got their car parked and are at the mat being told they're team number seven by the time Lance is breaking off their carrot in their snowman's face. An eye falls off, but the guide isn't going to hold them back. Lance asks for permission to kick their completed snowman, as though he ever asked for permission before, and she awesomely says, "You want your clue or not?" Marry me, Ski Dubai snowman building judge lady. Keri tells him to just take the clue already, and they're actually laughing as they read that they're going to the Pit Stop. "I may come back again one day just to build a snowman," Keri says as they head for the parking lot. On the drive to the Pit Stop, Lance is holding out hope that it's a non-elimination leg, and Keri is saying, "In the history of all the races, I don't think anybody's ever done this bad," which is a little harsh. I'm sure lots of other teams have done worse; I can think of several off the top of my head that Phil had to go out and find, which is this show's gold standard for an epic fail. But on the other hand, most of those teams fell victim to one mistake or setback, not the kind of consistent pattern of loserdom that we've seen from Lance and Keri today.

They walk down the steps to the mat, and when the greeter welcomes them to Dubai, Lance deadpans, "Thank you. We've seen a lot of it." Phil tells them they're the last team. "And I am really sorry to tell you you have been eliminated from the race." They take it pretty well, Lance saying, "We had a great time and it was a dream to come here." In their post-Philimination interview, Lance says he and Keri are different, but they have a good relationship. "We're different people, but I don't think I would want to marry myself. I think it would suck." Keri agrees much too readily. "Two of you would be too much," she says, overshooting the correct number by one. After leaving the mat, they remain philosophical. "We were hoping we could do more of it," Lance says. "It's just a great thing to have in your life." I'm sure that's true. Right now I'm thinking of a great thing to have out of mine.

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Amazing Race




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