Amazing Race

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M. Giant: A- | Grade It Now!
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Gypsies, Vamps, and Beams

Margie and Luke get their coffin open and find a load of wooden picture frames inside with black "X"es printed on them. The Flight Attendants are right there with them, and both teams start slamming them onto the wooden spikes. For added verisimilitude, the frames have been filled with fake blood. You know, just like the picture frames that Vlad the Impaler used to torture and massacre. Oh, how he decimated Eastern Europe's population of wall art.

Up on the hill, Tammy is still expressing her doubts, but Victor's got it handled: "I'm sorry I'm making you do something you think is wrong, but I really think it's right." "I know you do," Tammy says, which is kind of the problem. She says she's frustrated that they're following his gut rather than hers. Meanwhile, Victor's gut is like, "Don't look at me, I bailed on him three miles back. He's going on pure mule-headedness now."

Amanda and Kris have given up on finding their Amazing Purse in the original camp. So they run back to the new place, in case it somehow made it there with them. Sure enough, the guys they helped move picked it up during the packing and have been hanging on to it for them the whole time. Off to the Pit Stop for Amanda and Kris, where I hope he will eat, sleep, mingle, and attend sensitivity training.

But the Whites have already gotten out of their cab, and Mike is helping Mel up the steep footpath that apparently leads there. Amanda and Kris hit the same path at a dead run, but it's not enough to catch the Whites, who arrive at the mat first. In addition to Phil, they're greeted by a dude playing the pan flute, so this better be a damn good prize. Phil pops an eyebrow at them and tells them they're team number one. Mel faux-collapses into Mike's arms, although I question how much faux is actually there. Phil tells them they've won a trip to Costa Rica. "Oh, that's his favorite place!" Mel says excitedly, while Mike just pumps his fist happily. Mel interviews about how proud he is of Mike. "He's one of the very special people that I've met in my life. And not just because he's my son, but because he is special." Yes, those of us who saw Chuck & Buck can understand that.

Amanda and Kris arrive, disappointed to be team number two. "Almost number one," Kris says as they hug. Maybe next time keep a better grip on your fanny.

Tammy and Victor have reached the top of the world by now, and she's just about done. But he's still insisting on pressing on. "I think we have to complete what we started!" Because, eventually they'll come around the long way to the Detour, even if they have to circumnavigate the globe to do it? He wants her to trust him. "Tell me when we're going to stop. Tell me that and I will trust you," she says, planting her feet. Victor doesn't have an answer for that. God, she's being so unreasonable!

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Amazing Race

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