Amazing Race

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M. Giant: A- | Grade It Now!
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Gypsies, Vamps, and Beams

But the Race isn't done fucking with them yet, because when they reach the mat, Phil somberly tells them, "Tammy and Victor? I'm sorry to tell you... that you are... the second-last team to arrive." They're so emotionally and physically wrung out that it takes them a minute to get what he's saying, but eventually Tammy says, "Good job, Victor." Oh, Tammy, he did this to himself. It's not your job to make him feel better. He starts crying again, and Phil asks him why he's upset. "I'm not upset," Victor claims. "It's just, I'm just glad that we're done. We're alive and that's what matters." Still the drama queen. Victor interviews post-leg, "The stressful environment has made it very clear that the older brother-little sister dynamics don't work well on a race." Yes, Victor, blame the "dynamic." It was the "dynamic" that refused to listen to reason at least a half-dozen times. He continues, "And I think it's a real chance for us to improve the way that we relate to each other so that we can be both effective and not, what I think is unintentionally, hurtful." I agree with that last part, except for the "us" and the "we." As for Tammy she's still on the mat when she tells Phil that she's learned, "I have to speak up a little bit more." In her interview, she says, "I need to hurt his feelings a little bit when I think that I'm right and he's wrong and just be very vocal about it." Well, that's not entirely out of line with Victor's goal to be less unintentionally hurtful.

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The sun goes down, and we catch up with Brad and Victoria, wrestling their coffin downhill by the light of their headlamp. Yeah, even if the Amazing Editors had wanted to, there was no way they were going to make this look close at the end. Brad looks like he came out of a slasher movie by the time they get their flag and their clue. "What fun!" Victoria chirps. We hear a bit of their valedictory interview as Brad says the Race will be with them forever. "I can't think of a better person to share this experience with than Victoria." They reach the mat, and the pan flautist is apparently not getting overtime, as they are Philiminated in blessed silence. Victoria solo-interviews, "This wonderful adventure around the world is going to change the way we live our lives together." Change number one? No more Amsterdam.

M. Giant is a Minneapolis-based writer with a wife, a son, and a number of cats that seems to have settled at around two. Learn waaaay too much about him at Velcrometer, or just e-mail him at M.Giant[at]gmail.com.

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Amazing Race

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