Amazing Race
I'm Sorry I'm Wearing A Bathing Suit. It Is Very Weird, I Know

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Miss Alli: B- | Grade It Now!
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Clueless, On Several Fronts

12:18 AM. Danny and Oswald. Oswald informs us that they are Cubans who came to the United States with nothing, so they will totally step on you, but not in a mean way. I'm not sure how it all holds together, either, but I do like the big star on Oswald's sweatshirt. It's a wonder how much can be smoothed over with the right outfit.

Rob and Amber are already at the church, where they get to the clue box and pull out the clue. It tells them to fly to Puerto Montt, which is 800 miles away. When they get there, they'll choose a marked car and drive 30 miles to Metri, where they'll find a local fishery. The fish used to demonstrate this destination would just like to say, while looking at the camera: "YAAAARGH!"They'll find another clue when they get to the fishery. Rob and Amber find a couple of locals walking near the church in the middle of the night, perhaps looking for absolution or a place to make out, and ask them whether anywhere has internet available at this hour. The lady tells them that there might be, and Rob coaxes her to come along with them. I hope they weren't looking for a place to make out, because if they were, that lady has just been inadvertently cockblocked (or equivalent) by Boston Rob Mariano, and that's something you're better off ensuring does not happen to you. Or so I've heard. You'll notice, of course, that while he prods her to come with him, he doesn't pull her arm out of the socket, Mirna. Who knew he would be the king of respecting other people's bodily integrity?

12:32 AM. Team Guido. They have $37 for the leg. Joe interviews that they're the original fount of all evil (okay, he says something about "godfathers of tough competitors," but he means evil), and that they shouldn't be underestimated just because they're old and gay. I have never seen a show that has had as many good gay players as this show that still is full of people who think they're going to be underestimated for being gay. It's like going on Top Model and being like, "I hope they don't underestimate me because I am a beautiful gamine with an outsized personality." As they leave the pit stop, Joe notes that Chile has good wine. Hey, you have to know what's important.

12:33 AM. Eric and Pink. For no particular reason, as they leave the mat, Eric uses the expression "Peace out, cub scout," which makes me conflate Eric and my nephews in a way that doesn't make me very happy. Pink tells us that Eric has a way of forgetting she's on the team. I think we all have a way of forgetting that, dear. And then she asks him -- I kid you not -- "How are you reading and walking at the same time?" And he answers -- again with the not even kidding -- "Because I'm amazing." Always good to date a girl who sets the bar low. She tells us that she's trying to keep up with Eric, even though she's only a girl. She does actually say this, believe it or not. She needs about six kinds of reeducation, and I think I will start by sending her to Jill Camp.

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Amazing Race

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